Man in the middle or honor the people

The problem: People being greedy to feed their ego.
You might know very well that being greedy to feed your ego is cause of suffering and hence you hold it down to keep it in it's fences. But there is also a lot of suffering produced by other people being greedy to feed their ego.

Sample: It can be seen often that in groups there are some people that always trying to be the most attractive point. Such people by tendency do also not allow other opinions than their own (this is some sort of "man-in-the-middle-attack" ;-) ).

When we see such people we get often annoyed of them or we are just tired of dealing with them.

The reason: Missing respect and credit.
We often find such people aggressive in some way, but it is "simply" their desperate effort of getting some respect and credit. Actually in our intuition we do avoid them or we fight them but the last thing we would give them is a little respect and credit although that is what they really want.

The solution: Do something for other people's ego.
Why not doing something good for those people? Even if you are very good in holding down your ego, you also need confirmation, respect and you need to be honored. And even if you can live completely without any validation response from other people that you are on the right path in your personal development and do the right things right, it gives you power!

That does not mean that you should sit down, being proud of your glory and stop working! You should use the glory as a fuel to go ahead!

Do give other also some fuel and so the power to do more healthy things than being greedy to feed their ego!

And while you are honoring others you are doing a good exercise in taking your own ego back. Which also is good because of several reasons, for instance:

• You do usually know very few about a thing so staying in the back to watch a while is not the worst idea.
• When you are in the front line you are watched by all and every little mistake is noticed and goes to your account.
• You can develop more empathy when you are in the back watching.
  

Related posts: Little respect, The most important things to know, To be important.

Little Respect

Finally our baby is sleeping. Lately he often wakes up already after a few minutes although still very tired. So I might have only a few minutes. And I have to listen carefully to eventually baby crying.

I remember my time in the army. It was similar when we went to bed. There was always the possibility of an alarm (although always practice alerts). So I often listened carefully because for me it was pure horror to get awake by loud alert. And this was only the obligate training service I did. I have never been in real war.

This makes me feeling empathy for army soldiers fighting in wars. I do love peace and I remember well the T-shirt slogan of a friend saying: "Imagine there is war and nobody shows up."

In a war there is no winner, there are only losers. Some loose more, some less. So war does not make sense. But do people always behave in a manner that makes sense? Often it is enough to feel some fear to cause unhealthy actions that lead to big conflicts. Such conflicts may grow fast or slowly over many years and then escalate.

I think the army has not a good image. The army is like the savage guard dog of rich people. They let him out in the night to feel save. In the morning and when visitors arrive they lock him away because they feel some sort of shame or because of the danger they can be. But in the night they let him out again.

We can easily say that we are against war and want to live in peace. But when there are armed forces invading and we have to fear that your children may get harmed then we do want a strong army.

I think similar applies for many other things in our life. When we do currently not need specific things or specific services, we might ignore those or disrespect them. Only when we need them in a sudden we give the appropriate respect and support.

Let's try to give the appropriate respect to everything - and everyone - that is - even if we currently don't care too much because we don't see the need yet.

Related posts: To be important, Stop war by stopping defense, Dissolved aggressiveness, Best defense, The wise talk less.

101 posts or how to improve step by step

I started blogging about a year ago and since then I have written 100 posts. And I have read even a lot more posts on other blogs (I guess more than thousand in the last two years).

So a lot of information and I wonder...

• ...if life is really so complicated that it needs so much learning about it?
• ...if I need life-long-learning on how to get the right things done right and to be happy with the success? - Maybe the dead people are not dead but just overwhelmed about all the cool stuff they learned an now meditating about it. ;-)
• ...when I will have time to review all the helpful information?
• ...how much of all that helpful information I already implemented yet?
• ...what are the most important next elements to implement into my life?

Fortunately bloggers do write again about older topics providing abstracts, more details or adding some value another way. So they help me in the reviewing process. By all this information out there we often think about information overflow but if you look at the mass of information it helps you finding the more important things by recurring thoughts and tips. So be attentive to patterns showing up while reading news and other information sources.

But I can imagine you also already read a lot of helpful information on the web, so what's next? Consolidation and implementation can be a next step.

My tip:

1. Think about your biggest and most often occurring concrete problems (can be different ones).
2. Then think about your general philosophy (how you want to act in general) - your "big picture".
3. Turn back to your concrete situation and to the concrete problem and try to solve it from the "bigger point of view" - so that it is compliant to your "big picture".
   

Related posts: Information overflow, Quickly change a habit, Finding the root problem.

The most important things to know

My 11 month old son is sitting next to me on the floor playing with the door. I am thinking of what I would tell him when I am about to die. What is the most important that I would like to tell him?

Is it that I love him? - I think he knows it already. When I come home I play with him and I hug and cuddle him - and I am there when he needs me.

What is the very most important to know?

I think I would tell him the following:

Beware of the major reasons of suffering:

• Greed
• Attachment
• Missing knowledge
• Absence of compassion
• Selfishness

In some book some years ago I read that greed and attachment are the reasons of suffering. I added the other three here above. Maybe you could reduce it to two major reasons. you could either explain attachment with greed. Attachment to something lost is the greed to keep something. - But I think that some suffering can be decoded easier by knowing some other styles that suffering could have. I was about to add "missing patience" also but it is a kind of greed and I don't want also to add too much to this list.

Important message should not be too long because then nobody can remind.

Related posts: There is suffering, Ethic economy, Scoundrel days, Knowledge is freedom, Biggest worries, Needs and meaning, 6 Triggers of bad action, The fool gives way without borders.

Spam thoughts

The problem: There is not only spam information - there are also spam thoughts.
Spam is reducing our productivity and happiness. But there is not only spam mail and spam information - there are also spam thoughts.

The reason: We want to note everything down because our brain tends to forget.
We want to improve and learn from our experiences. Going to work in the morning offers a lot of impressions that triggers thoughts as every impression (as well as information) contains potential issues to learn. GTD tells us to write down everything - although there are also some critics on this.

The solution: Trust your brain and let go.
While on the go or while working on something else there are thoughts coming only loosely related to the topic of your focus. If it is important it will return, come back in the same or similar way on other opportunities. If the same thought returns more often then it is worth more being noted down and reviewed. Don't act immediately on a single thought or let a single thought be the reason for (big) decisions.

Related posts: Information overflow, Who cares?, All Done status, Crying for attention, Analysis and therapy.

To be important

The problem: Being called an idiot or to call other people an idiot.
When somebody is doing something stupid people tend to call the complete person for an idiot. And this although a human being is such a complex being with so many possibilities. A person can give so many good contributions to the world and neighbours.

The reason: Poor self-esteem and fears
It sounds crazy but it is confirmation of self-esteem if others can be seen as stupid. In the relation if others are stupid, do not well perform and do know less than you then you are the hero and you will survive if it comes to confrontation. It is the fear that only a few will survive and life is seen as a daily fight for survive.

The solution: Honesty and compassion
Be honest: Only because you are calling somebody an idiot, the others will not be complete idiots. It is more likely that they will do a lot not to be seen as an idiot. All humans want to be respected and to be loved.

The lone warrior might win in the videos but in the real life you are dependent from the others. Teams and groups can survive a war but not a lonely fighter like Rambo - that is cinema.

If you look at yourself with the critical eye, you will see that you are not perfect - as the others are too. Being tough on somebody else needs also being tough on yourself.

Be tolerant to others and to yourself as nobody can always do everything right.

Develop compassion to see that others are also giving their best to be loved and to survive. Help others and generate win-win situations.

There is nowhere written that you cannot survive both - you and your fellow human being!

And what I heard in a song text: It's nice to be important - it's more important to be nice!

And if you are still concentrated on yourself then remember that if you listen and learn from the others what they can do better than you will bring you further.

Related posts: Healthy motivation, An eye for an eye.

You can't urge the river flowing

The problem: Desire to solve issues immediately.
I know it very well from all around that by accident issues rise and people want to get them solved immediately. Some people are either negating existence of problems. People (me included) get inpatient with the first small obstacle - not talking about solid brick walls that may turn out to be real show stoppers.

The reason: Unrealistic view of the world and unclear situation about personal goals.
Why is it possible that a suddenly upcoming event can have the power to change priorities completely or either cause people close their eyes frightened by what they have seen? - A critical view makes it clear, that there are only a few events having a big impact to the current situation changing priorities immediately - for example car incidents, if something catches fire, getting knowledge of a severe illness and so on. In such shock situations it is either understandable creating a temporary mental barrier.

But there are - in relation to the above - really unimportant events that make us change priorities immediately or - worse - cause us taking big decisions. Such an event is for example when a customer is agitating because of a delay in product delivery. In most cases it does not make a difference if a package arrives one day earlier or later. In most cases when people are having urgent issues the reason is that they did not plan well.

An example: Let's say 1 worker needs 100 days to build a house. You might tend to calculate that 100 workers can build a house in 1 day. But this is simply not true.

Unrealistic view of the world is given by not understanding how involved things work, too high expectations and simply impatience.

The solution: Have goals and accept that nothing can be done in less time that it takes.
Keep cool! - Before taking action immediately, take you a moment of time thinking about the real impact of the latest event to your big long term goals.

If you have some long term goals in mind then you will not loose concept immediately on every incoming news article. And as long term goals are not in reach within a week or two you need to advance step by step.

Trying to solve all problems in an instant (and either the desire) is like trying to urge the river flowing.

If there is action needed plan the necessary steps scheduling sufficient time!

You can't urge the river flowing!

Related posts: There are no problems, All Done status, Reduce the stress factors, Change hype, Why investing enough time rules, Urging to forge at full speed, What is reality?

Healthy motivation

Yesterday I had a discussion with a friend about my last post "There are no problems".

He mentioned that expectations are a motivation to continue taking action, work and trying to overcome obstacles.

I agree with him that expectations can be a motivation although I do not think it's the best choice to have expectations as a main motivation. Anyway in that posts I was only talking about expectations being too high when you experience problems.

And he also stated that there are serious problems where he cannot just screw down his expectations. Sample: Your baby is very ill. If you don't make a problem of it and just do not expect any more survival then this is not a healthy and good mentality.

Let's imagine I would be able to drop all expectations in an instant: I wouldn't let someone die only because I don't have any expectation! Either without any strong desire (greed) I wouldn't let somebody die!

I will help because of love, compassion and the intention to do healthy things (for me, for you and for everybody).

I do think that my friend would bring his baby to hospital more because of love than because of expectations!

I want to quote from an earlier post ("Expectation dropping"):

when you do something you do it out of the current necessity or benefit without having to fear investment loss (because you simple do not invest - at least long term),

Maybe the only expectation I want to keep is that world can be improved. But this is more a believe than an expectation (see also "Being positive").

Related posts: There are no problems, Expectation dropping, Being positive, The power of intention, Ethic economy.

There are no problems

Sometimes I get told to be more positive. I do not want to be pessimistic but life often let me experience problems while trying to achieve something.

That does not mean that I do not continue working on a solution and often I am successful in finding a solution or at least a workaround. But when people ask me about a topic I mostly do point out possible pitfalls and obstacles that might come up while implementing a solution for the particular problem.

I do not really see this as being negative - I always find it realistic considering the most probable hurdles. And often a set of little issues can reduce general feeling of satisfaction. I just want to avoid such issues in the beginning by choosing the solution attempt where less issues are expected to come up (according to experience and feeling in the belly).

But however, most people do not want to hear about (possible) problems. They "simply" want to have everything working - no discussion - they don't accept problems.

Today I discovered that they are right:

There are no problems - just expectations might be too high!

And I am not responsible for other people's high expectations. That is something they have to live with.

Related posts: Expectation dropping, Success with optimism AND pessimism, Positivity barricades, Healthy motivation, When to criticize, Optimist meeting pessimist.

All Done status

The problem: You cannot relax while open work is waiting to be done.
There is so much to do - although we are optimizing and improving efficiency there still remains so much on our to-do lists. We are always in a hurry because we need to do more things and faster.

The reason: Open issues make us staying uncomfortable.
We want to get our head empty, clear everything out to be free for one new thing that we can focus on in tranquility and undisturbed.

Or maybe we simply learned: First the work then the leisure time.

The solution: Stop hunting for the "All Done" status and focus on the things that matter.
The desire to have a single thing you can concentrate on and everything else is in archived status is an unrealistic hope.

And imagine if you would have this status and then get in boredom status and focus on a single thing only: While thinking and working on the single thing, do you really believe that you then will not get a hundred ideas and thoughts that are triggered by working on one particular thing?

So why trying to achieve such an unrealistic status that there is nothing left to do? All you could get then is the feeling of being worthless in a sudden.

Instead focus on the really important things - focus on the things that matter (to you or the world)!

Related posts: Who cares, Information Overflow, Reduce the stress factors, What is reality?, Hurry home ... no more running, Being like a child, Needs and meaning.

Who cares?

There is a famous (although stupid text) song from the muppet show called Mahna Mahna. The text is only "Mahna mahna, düdüü-düdüdü". But why I am telling this is because of the final comments of the two old guys in the box after the song finished:

Old 1: The question is: What is a "Mahna Mahna"?
Old 2: The question is: Who cares?

And this is a very good advice for people who want to improve their productivity! It could be a ZEN koan, if it wouldn't be so easy to understand. ;-)

In the information age there is not only "good" and healthy information that brings us further. No, there is also a lot of spam (by the way there is also a funny video here). There is not only spam e-mail, there is also other types of spam information that just reduces our productivity. This goes so far that they print stupid quotes (intended to be funny) on the toilet papers (at least here in austria). At the toilet I could have really undisturbed time without distractions so I could be productive (physically ;-) ) and mentally. But no, those stupid quotes ruin it... - and from now on I will change the vendor realizing this productivity reducing effect now.

One method to separate spam information from real and helpful information is the very good question "Who cares?" Asking it, will immediately block a lot of information surfing through your mind.

There is a lot of news and a lot of carnival barkers soliciting a lot products and services fading immediately after thinking of who cares.

The question is: Who cares? - And the answer could be:

• Everybody cares.
• My family cares (wife, children, parents or other relatives).
• My friends care.
• My customers care.
• My boss cares.
• My colleagues care.
• Somebody else cares.
• Nobody cares.

And then the all-dominant question: Do I care?

If you look at the list above then you could find also that the list order is possibly a good order of priority.

Depending on who cares, the information, thing or either task needs different attention and handling. Priorities are set according to who cares.

Related posts: Information overflow, Change hype, The big difference of the How, In the present moment, Get focused with 3 questions, Crying for attention, One and a half words, The family, The value of rest and review.

Early intervention

The problem: Although planning well there is still too much work and too many problems.
Although you do plan everything that needs to be done and you learned to estimate the needed hours for a particular work quite accurate you still wonder about the big amount of work. David Allen

The reason: Overcommitment in the past and late intervention.
When I heard the first time a talk of David Allen speaking about overcommitment I was not sure if he is right - there was some doubt because with a lot of work I never had the feeling that there is something I could commit or deny. A lot of work somehow falls into my competence and duty and I do not have a real choice.

I realized that overcommitment is a part of the reason but there is also another factor: When work hits me it is often already effects of something that could have been foreseen and avoided earlier or simply taken into consideration when planning. In addition to that there is a lot of unplanned work coming up by accident.

The solution: Early intervention.
As suffering comes from unhealthy actions in the past the key is to solve problems when they are still tiny and can be solved or circumnavigated easily. This does not mean that you should go and try to avoid every possibly negative experience. No, I am talking about "known issues".

To give an example: If your boss is often coming up with unexpected desires then the desires and exact times are not known - but you know that there will be rising some unexpected work. So you could schedule for example 1 hour a day dealing with unexpected work from your boss. If somehow now unexpected work is brought to you then you have an extra hour for other good work.

Another example: Ever needed to get in touch with a partner because of some questions arising while working on a project and noticed that the person is on vacation exactly in that week when you scheduled working on that project? - Just ask people in time about their plans so that you can adapt your schedule.

So, what to do?

1. Analysis
   Get the scope and identify the problem or possible problems that come up often.
   
2. Measuring
   Estimate the average time needed, evaluate available resources etc.
   
3. Scheduling
   Schedule time for the unexpected or note down foreign appointments.
   

Be prepared and you solve the problem in advance.

I do use 4 calendars in my case:

1. My own commitments
   That calender contains appointments that I have with customers but also commitments with self to get a particular thing done (internally).
   
   
2. Probable upcoming work - listen to the environment, often there are little signs of possible work long before the work actually has to be done.
   For instance when customer calls with ideas for a new project. I can schedule it although the customer has not ordered anything yet. But moving around scheduled pieces of time is much easier than finding free space later.
   
   
3. Foreign schedules
   In this calendar I do mark vacations or out-of-office times of important co-workers, partners and customers. This helps scheduling my own projects because it makes more sense scheduling work on a particular project within a week where I can ask the appropriate other people involved if questions come up.
   
   
4. My wifes appointments
   This is another very good sample of early intervention: My wife was used to call me often in office when trying to fix an appointment with friends, doctors etc. Now she can see my calendar and I can see hers. So when talking with friends to get a free weekend she can look at my calendar and there is no need to call me for that in the office asking whether on that weekend there is IT-system changes at some customer.
   

Remember that you deal with repetitive problems you already now and which are part of your life. Do not try to solve issues that most probably never arise! You do not necessarily deal only with potential problems you know from your own experience but they should be at least in the category "known issues".

Related posts: Quickly change a habit, Safety distance, Eat the tadpoles, Analysis and therapy.

Take care of you

While trying to develop peace in mind and further peace in relationships, at work and so on, there are those situations where we are loosing patience and get wild.

I have read a related post a few days ago: Are 'Difficult' People Really Difficult?

Are they pushing your buttons — or are you doing it to yourself?

There’s no question that in most every organization (plus home and anywhere else we spend time), we come face to face with folks who push our buttons, antagonize, frustrate, or otherwise annoy us. People who behave in ways that make us want to scream. They’re commonly referred to as ‘difficult’. Some we simply label irritating; some we label rude and some we label “impossible to work or be with”.

This evening I have experienced a set of cases where I honestly cannot put the blame neither on somebody else nor on me. Our power is limited and sometimes we have not any more left, to deal properly with a situation that is difficult for us. - I am talking about difficult situations and not about difficult people! The Dalai Lama says - forces should never be used against a creature in general, only against violent actions - see "An eye for an eye".

When we are balanced and in good mood we have extra energy to absorb bad mood of others or we can develop compassion to support others while they are suffering.

When our power is exhausting then we are the ones others must absorb.

Difficult people are not difficult themselves in their being. They are just full of sufferings and they need help to get out. Depending on our own sufferings and the power left other people's sufferings can cause excessive demand exceeding our capacities.

And it is not limited to particular people - there are several situations which can cause the same effects described at the beginning.

So you should not think of finding somebody guilty for what happens to you - not you and not others. What you should do: Take care of you!

When you get exhausted because of too much work, few sleep, too many interrupts and so on you will get aggressive (apart from the fact that you will get also ill in the long run)!

Only a rested and fresh person can tackle problems and get things done efficiently!

Saying that I can see being late another time... :-(

Related post: An eye for an eye, Getting older.

Information Overflow

The problem: Information overflow.
Information overflow is an intensively discussed topic and many bloggers are giving great help in their posts how to reduce information overflow and deal with it. As I always try to find the root problem I was thinking about the reasons.

Then I stumbled upon an interview that David Allen gave on FastCompany.tv regarding GTD - see the video here. He mentions that it is not information overflow, it is "potential meaning overflow" what is the problem.

Well, I think he is right - but he made me thinking more about this. A few days ago I got an e-mail with the subject "Error starting program ..." and I knew that there was not only potential meaning in this. - There was potential work for me in this! - And either as there was no doubt that I have to figure out what the problem is in that case it was not only potential work - it was work, definitely.

So I was about to replace "potential meaning overflow" with "work overflow" when I noticed an IT news article. As IT changes so fast that it can happen that as soon as you start working on a piece of software there is already new technology and you should start all over using the newer technology. So the information can be relevant for your decisions. Regarding the e-mail mentioned above it was relevant to my other planning. As it is not only important to do things right but also to do the right things, sufficient information is required. So incoming information has "potential influence" - on your decisions, on your workload.

So I was about to replace "work overflow" with "potential influence overflow" when I remembered that the original problem I wanted to write about was "information overflow". I noticed that if I wouldn't have read my e-mail and if I wouldn't have read the news then I wouldn't have experienced any problem (therefore I kept the post title as it is ;-) ). And this is what most other people recommend when experiencing information overflow: Reduce your information intake.

But hell, I can't just overlook tons of informations that could change my life. What, if I am on the wrong way? - I think any of you already desired to be young again keeping the knowledge and experience you got when you are older. I think I would have made a lot of things completely different - maybe not from the long-term goals and alignment - but in the daily life I would deal with several problems completely different. So Information is important and actually there is an information underflow and not overflow (this is by the way also what David Allen says), because there is not only information but also information on the information - for instance the relevance of the information. And depending on the relevance it can have appropriate influence on our decisions and either life plans. What, if Randy Pausch did not know about his disease? Only because of the information about his cancer and about the approximately remaining time (which was initially estimated between 3 and 6 months of good health) he was able to adjust his alignment accordingly.


The reason: Potential relevance of information for survival strategies.
Our daily life is full of potential opportunities as well as potential risks. Our decisions "handle" them based on the information we have. Most of our decisions highly depend on the information they are based on. Our preferences, goals and priorities do also have influence but they are just applied to the information we have. And they are influenced by the information we have. Our complete view of the world is based on the information we have (we could rather still think that the world is flat without the according information). If I didn't know that there are computers I barely would have decided to become a software developer. ;-) - And if I would have known earlier that sitting all the time in front of the computer can have big impacts on health I would have started training earlier.

So it is the potential opportunities and potential risks that drives us taking action and the potential relevance of information makes us collecting information. There wouldn't be that large amount of information if it would not have any relevance. Every knowledge of any type can help being more creative in finding solutions on a completely other type of problems. This makes it either more interesting looking left and right also to completely different areas and domains of life and science.

We could have very different kind of goals and so information could have very different meaning and relevance, so what can be generally said? - Well, at the end there are two kind of goals I think:

1. Goals that give our life more content, more sense.
2. Goals that - achieved - promise a longer life.

But the rush for information, the importance that we give to information, let me think more of the general desire to survive or fear of "not making it" as the intention behind it rather than living a life of satisfaction and happiness.

There are a lot of people living on this planet and the population is still increasing. It is clear that not everyone can survive when the limits are reached. So I can understand people's fears. I cannot avoid thinking of the dinosaurs in comparison to humans. What, if in those times it was just increasing the probability to survive if the creature was a little bigger? - I imagine that a rush in size could cause exhausting of the world resources and hence to the extinction of the dinosaurs. - I don't have any scientific proof for this theory. The phrase "size matters" can have two meanings here... ;-) - However, I can see similar patterns in development of human beings, just the definition of "size" is different.


The solution: Look at the costs, quality of information and the relevance in the long run and use time management methods to manage information.
Intake of information is not only benefit, it does also cost something: It costs time and brain resources - and sometimes also money (buying books for instance). Here I remember again the many other bloggers that say: "Reduce your information intake". ;-) - And I think they are right. The problem is to decide what information is really important and learn to decide quickly. It is also a matter of focus to reduce the amount of information you really take into consideration and process. Focus on what really matters!

Before looking back to information itself, let's have a short look on the role of information regarding the desire of survival. There are also other factors relevant here:

• Physical power (Health and strength)
• Intelligence
• Substantial resources
• Financial resources
• Tools (either material tools or mental tools and methods)
• Flexibility
• Allies (mentors, friends, partners, family and other helpers)
• Entourage / Leaders (depending if want to lead self or prefer to "escort" others)
• Speed
• Derivation / Karma (if you believe in Karma)
• Accident
• Information, Knowledge and Experience (last but not least)

Information can be an important factor - but information is not the only factor to success! This important fact reduces the relevance of information in general. The right information can help improving the other factors, but the major part to improve the performance on the factors mentioned above is hard work!

Now, when we look back at the information in detail we can see that the relevance of information depends on it's quality - and here are a few factors:

• Reliability (of the information source)
• Accuracy (scientifically proofed or just opinions)
• Timeliness (actual information, late information or future prediction)
• Costs (time and money needed for you to get benefit from the information)
• Relevancy (for your goals, priorities and preferences)

Evaluate the quality of information regarding the factors above and then decide what informations not to consider and which to process. Remember that there can be a whole bunch of information (e.g. a specific news channel) that - as a whole - can cause too much costs to keep reading (if only one out of 30 articles contains really new information for instance).

Depending on your current life stage and current requirements some information can be more relevant than other. Do not consider everything important at the same time - so do not set the focus on too many things within a single year/month/week/day. There might be times when you focus on education and times when you focus on your work or on your family. And there might be a week with focus of optimizing investment and another focusing on your hobby.

You can deal with information arrival as with emotions while in mediation. Just salute them and let them pass. See "There is suffering" for details. Welcome every information but this does not necessarily means that you need to deal with it.

When selecting relevant information think more on the long run than on actual hypes and things of temporary interest. If you change your focus with any new incoming information you will barely bring anything to an end. Prefer the better and lasting solutions against the quick fixes. But also remember that it is better to put a towel on a bleeding wound than searching too long for a better solution. A good solution that is established is better than a perfect one that never gets realized.

I find that several methods useful for time management can also be applied for selection of information intake:

• ABC analysis
• 80/20 Rule (Pareto principle)
• Eisenhower method (when doing research)
• ...

And remember that not every new information is really new. Some of the repetitive information can be useful if it reminds you on important things you keep forgetting but a lot of information is just repackaged old stuff.

And before you begin to take action because of some new information take a moment to think if the new thing is really promising an improvement - because change is only movement - not necessarily in a better direction or to a better future.

Related posts: Hard exercise, There is suffering, Change hype, Setting borderlines, Crying for attention, Tell not more and not less, Razor sharp focus, Analysis and therapy, Knowledge is freedom, Direction over goals, Principles over rules,New year decisions, People and Information, Prejudice vs economization, Team meeting with yourself.

Plan to get fear done

The problem: Worries are escorting your daily life.
Often, when decisions have to be made and when things have to be done time is lost while "fearing around". If you look at your daily life there can be plenty of little fears that accompany plenty little things that you are doing or thinking of.

The reason: Missing plan how to deal with new issues.
Looking into detail there are multiple reasons for the problem: Missing alignment, missing priorities, missing goals, missing knowledge, open decisions, sticking to things that passed away, Missing acceptance.

The solution: Have a plan to get things done and close the file.
When new issues - new problems, new goals, new phases of life - show up then you should deal with them correctly in order to solve them. Otherwise they will remain open somehow (even if "only" in the hidden basement of your brain). The final intention is to "close the file" - to make a checkmark the completed task or issue.

Although the issues might differ a lot in detail what they have in common is that they are open issues - they are consuming "brain force" and hence blocking you. As for recurring things you should have a procedure, here is a proposal:

1. Become aware.
   Other than with emails where it can be clearly defined when there is a new item in your inbox for your personal mind it is not so obvious. Get sensitive for the blocking status - get a feeling for your mental "inbox". So that you can be conscious of new issues that touched ground of your mind and keep staying there. Look at yourself, step back and name the issue - definition is an important thing. Then become also aware of the related fears that come up when you think about the open issue.
2. Get the facts.
   When you know your problem you can examine the facts that come along with your problem. Stick to clear facts at this stage because you are currently making experience. It is important not to make unproven assumptions at this stage. Facts can be related to the current effects you are experiencing as well as to the reasons or the environment you are in.
3. Set goals and priorities or remind on them (if there have been set already priorities for such a type of issue).
   Goals and priorities are two different things that shouldn't be mixed: A goal mostly implies or comes along with the definition of an outcome and can be that you arrive from point A to point B but the solution can be very different depending on your priorities which can be for instance to arrive as soon as possible, consume less energy, pay less, have opportunity to know new people and so on. Depending on the priorities the variety of solutions is narrowed which later makes decision easier.
4. Do research.
   Gather knowledge about the issue, about the effects, side effects, reasons and possible "cures". Separate clear and proven facts/rules (during practical use) from theoretical knowledge and from theories (unproven theoretical knowledge). And put aside your hopes and desires. Only with a clear separation of the knowledge item according to it's "strength" good decisions are possible. The research part is often the one that cannot be satisfied completely - especially when issues are urgent or not expected to have strong impacts. The time invested into the research phase should be adequate to the size and impact of your issue.
5. Evaluate possible solutions.
   Find existing/known solutions or invent new solutions. This is the creative part. Then summarize the expected effects, side effects, benefits and drawbacks of the most applicable solutions. Think of a worst case scenario also.
6. Review.
   Depending on the sum of facts, goals, priorities, results of research and evaluations it might be necessary to "go back to the start" or at least some steps back. Depending on what turned out in the previous steps it might be necessary to go back to point 3 - Set goals and priorities. Depending on urgency and impact the review phase might be skipped.
7. Choose your way.
   Make your decision, choose the best fitting solution for your issue. It can also be a set of actions and strategies that can lead to solution of your issue.
8. Accept the consequences.
   You have chosen your way and actions from best knowledge in an efficient way. All the consequences give you new experience and it is not worth crying if something happened in a different way as you expected. Remember that there is no wrong or correct decision - just actions and effects and as you have chosen your way the consequences are just bringing you the results of what you have decided to do in your life. So, why worry?

Related posts: Crappy guesswork, The fear, Something more important, Primary motivator.

To-Do-Lists and the calendar

About a week ago I read about to-do-lists at lifehack ("Back to Basics: Your Task List").

And then I also watched some videos of David Allen about the GTD and how important it is to get the things out of your head (see an interview with David Allen here and a presentation held by him here).

I do also feel better when writing things down and when I make lists (of what to buy, what is still to do in our new flat and so on). Until about two years ago I was using mostly To-Do-Lists but I used the calendar only for noting down appointments with external people.

Now I use GTD like methods (see "GTD - E-Mail Folders or Tags") - see also See also "A Two Minute GTD Overview from Success Making Machine".
But: I make also intensive use of the calendar.

Mr. Allen points out, that actions that take more than two minutes should be done immediately and others should be deferred. One "destination" for the longer tasks may be the calendar. I want to point out that using the calendar is even more important than creating to-do-lists!

When I used only To-Do-Lists I had the following problems:

• When asked for a particular project finalization date or asked for possible schedules for new projects then I could never tell real dates instantly.
• I wrote down the things to do but mostly did not write a time duration estimation to each task.
  
• I set priorities but no deadlines.
• I had noted an order by in reality it is usually not possible scheduling bigger tasks always one after the other. The reality is that I have to work on different projects in parallel.
• I was not in Sync with other people relevant for a project.
  

When you use a calendar and schedule everything you need or want to do then the problems mentioned above are all addressed:

1. When you are about to put a task into the calendar you automatically think of the task length because on most calendars there are written real times. As you need to find free time for each task you will automatically fill up the next days. You can see free space (gaps) and when your last task is scheduled. Tasks taking longer than a day must be split and you have to schedule another day and another. - The big advantage is that you are dealing with fixed dates. So you have an overview about your time (spent) and not "only" about the things that need to be done.
2. Priorities are set implicitly by moving or deleting a task to make fit in another. It is also a decision about priorities but you don't have to figure out a number (as it is usually done).
3. You can schedule two hours working on project A and afterwards scheduling two hours working on project B. Next day can be the same time splitting and so you can make progress on both projects. Such splitting is usually not showing up on a to-do-list.
4. As I note down also the vacations of other important people at customers I also have an overview of not-available-times of other people and can sync my actions accordingly.
   

You can also schedule for instance 1 hour each day for all the small tasks that you get notice of (un)expectedly - for example review and act on the items in the action folder.

Related posts GTD - E-Mail Folders or Tags, Network planning. The benefit of planning.

Procrastination and interrupts

I am definitely not feeling to be a procrastinator but lately I found myself procrastinating a bigger task. - The very strange thing was that I was not fearing that task and I either found it to be meaningful. So I could not find a reason why I procrastinated that task.

I analyzed the situation and came to the following conclusion:

1. I experienced a lot of interrupts before and I was already expecting the next one.
2. To get back onto the task after an interruption can take a while if the task needs intensive concentration and therefore needs time.
3. When too many interrupts occur it is frustrating because you waste your time with getting back to your task and before you achieve a mentionable step forward you will be interrupted again. So you work and concentrate but without progress. That is really frustrating.
4. To avoid that frustration you stick to little tasks that can be finished between two interruptions. Those little tasks are often not so important but it is more efficient to get them finished than trying to advance in a bigger task without success.
5. So my subconscious brain made that decision to proceed on the small tasks. And it was not procrastination! - It was improved efficiency as far as possible in that situation!

What I learn from it:

• Eating the biggest frog first (working on the biggest task first) is not necessarily the best choice. You should schedule the biggest task at a time where you usually experience less interrupts which is not always in the morning hours.
• You should try to get some isolation when you want to work on a bigger task. - In my working environment it is quite difficult - as I wrote earlier here - but not impossible to reduce interruptions anyway.
• The subconscious brain tries to help you and is not just repeating bad habits learned in the past.

Related post: Why not multitasking howto.

Dissolved Aggressiveness

In an earlier post "Stop war by stopping defense" I proposed to stop defending activities because in the believe to defend yourself you can create war - or let's say now - you can trigger aggressive reactions of others.

There were two problems I faced when practicing:

• There is aggressiveness already boiling within others or already in progress to cause them to action - aggressiveness that is not caused by me (oh what a discovery ;-) ).
• Not defending me implies that I get hit and hurt by the aggressive (re-)actions of others.

The solutions:

• You can deal with aggressiveness the same way as you can deal with suffering as I wrote in "There is suffering": Just let it go - Emotions are not strictly part of yourself - of your spirit. They are just like sun and rain - they come and go.
• In the film "Karate Kid" I have seen many years ago the old teacher says (don't know yet how he tells in the English version because I have seen the German): "Best defense - don't be there". - Don't be where the hammer hits. Don't have your self-esteem - your ego - there where others want to attack you personally.
• Imagine that every sort of aggressiveness dissolves when touching you from outside or is about to grow inside of you.
• Sometimes it is really necessary to use forces to avoid big suffering. In such cases remember to never use forces against creatures in general! Use the forces only against violent actions! - See also my earlier post "An eye for an eye".

Be the one where aggressiveness is stopped, where peace evolves.

Related posts: Stop war by stopping defense, An eye for an eye, There is suffering, Stake your claim, Best defense, The wise talk less, The fool gives way without borders.

Economy Performance and Empathy

I don't know how it is in other countries but in Austria in the news you can hear and read about the economy performance about every two weeks. Sometimes they tell that the performance improved but my impression is that more often they tell that it is decreasing and people worry about the economy development.

When people talk about the economy I can see similar patterns as if talking about the weather. It seems that economy is a strange thing which cannot be influenced much. Well, there cannot be a big influence created by a single person, but everybody of us takes active parts in a lot of ways and hence can influence. In particular those who moan most: The companies with poor performance.

Well, yesterday I wanted to buy a medicine for my wife and the response at the shop was: The product is currently unavailable. In a second shop with another product the same. Then I remembered that I ran out of compact flash cards on my last holiday where I had to run around to find a shop where to buy one - in two shops they told me that newer cameras use different cards and hence they don't have it any more - if I want they can order it for me. I had several similar experiences in the last weeks. - Mmmhhhh - companies wants me to buy things and then they cannot serve me...

I see that performance of companies has to do with empathy. Management should put on the shoes of the consumers and find out the lacks and needs of the people around.

How to eat less

Additional kilos are often collected especially (but not only) with the evening meals. In many cases getting additional kilos is done by simply eating too much.

I discovered a way to eat less (maybe I could have read it already somewhere ;-) ): Get a very comfortable and stress free environment when taking meals. You will eat less, when you are relaxed!

For example:

• Eat outside on the balcony or in your garden.
• Put flowers around and turn on candles.
• Avoid TV or other "activities" while taking your meal.
• Meditate on your eating.
• Drink water in between then the next bite will be fresh flavour.

It is very important to eat slowly! - It is another time I cannot resist linking to www.slowdownnow.org. :)

Remember that in a lot of cases eating is a substitute action to get satisfied! Try to be satisfied in your life in general and you will eat less.

Related posts: How to be happy, Urging to forge at full speed, Slowing down.

Reduce the stress factors

As it is not long ago that I have been on vacation, I wondered why I already looking forward to take a rest. This week I was (already) very active (again). One of my intentions during the last days was to find out what does really stress me.

It is not only having few time for doing many things that causes stress. It is also some particular situations that can stress or either particular persons. And it can be elements of your life in general or just a specific way you are doing something. As I found more and more stress sources I got aware of the horrific downsides of stress:

• Reduced quality of what you are doing now and what you will do in the next minutes
• Reduced motivation and therefore also reduced happiness
• Reduced health in the long run (One can stand a stressy week with ease, a month is possible, 3 months is exhausting, 6 months of stress will reduce your life expectancy)
• Because of the restricted view when under stress:
  
  • Trapping into pitfalls
  • Missing important information
  • Doing things wrong - making errors
  • Danger of doing harm to others (while choosing wrong words, producing incidents while not concentrated on the traffic while driving, ...)
  • Not seeing smart alternative solutions for the current problem
  • Missing opportunities (that could have positive effects on a thing that is important for you but has not to do with the thing your are currently occupied with).
• You get a bad image (people think you can't manage your life well)

And the worst: All the above produces either more stress! It is a doom loop, a vicious circle!

So cut off your stress factors!

A first important step is to be very attentive of what is causing stress for you, it can be

• Too much to do in too few time
  You have to plan your time well and plan at least double of the time for a thing as you would expect. And do leave free space in your calender. And unclutter your life. Do less things to have more time for the more important things.
• Situations that are linked with fears
  Find the reason of your fears and solve them or avoid the situations (find a patch not to get into that exact situation).
• Situations that are new
  Get familiar with new situations - take them as a new opportunity to learn and gain knowledge.
• Things that you might have thought they are for your comfort
  Not everything we have got with the intention to improve our life (comfort or quality) does (still) give what it gave in the past or what we expected.
• Methods we use to solve particular daily problems
  Because of old habits we might handle specific events in the same bad way we did it for years. In most cases bad habits worked well in the past or worked well for similar situations (but not for this one). - Be flexible and search for new solutions producing less stress.
• Particular persons may produce stress
  This can be co-workers, your boss or even friends. An important tip here: In a lot of cases you are producing stress (also) for them. So do not stress others and they will stress you less. And sure, where possible you can also avoid contact to those people.
• Moving or being fast in general
  It might be because of fears, because of a manic phase or simply because you think that you will not survive if you don't do everything possible to accomplish more or earn more money. Doing things slowly does not mean not to do them (don't mix that up with procrastination).

Not convinced so far to cut off stress factors immediately? - There is one sentence I was soooo glad to read at www.slowdownnow.org because it helped me so changing my intentions:

If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing slowly.

Read the Slow Manifesto at www.slowdownnow.org.

Related posts: Why not multitasking how to, Why investing enough time rules, Change hype, Urging to forge at full speed, The present moment, Hurry home ... no more running, When to strictly avoid multitasking, How to be happy, Slowing down, About drugs, Speed, Productivity limits, External success factors.

Change hype

I lately read a lot of blog posts about change - to be the change, life-long learning and hence changing, not to stick in the past and so on.

People feel stressed by all the new things they could and should learn, by new situations they have to get familiar with, by all the new products rising, opportunities they probably miss. In the end everybody feels stressed because time is going on so fast and they have to adapt. Everybody is a victim and nobody feels responsible and nobody feels himself cause and reason.

I often wonder how fast people decide to adapt new things without analyzing the benefit. And even more often a new thing is the trigger to take action and not a particular problem to solve. So people get used to things they didn't miss before. There is much written about people don't really like to change but I think they change a lot. I see it from words like "beta testers", "early adopters", "trend setters" and others - especially in email newsletters there are many words used that should create a good feeling because getting some really early and still secret information. People want to be cool or simple fear to be left behind if they do not get the newest things.

As working in IT I feel overwhelmed by all the technologies I get told to be so exiting new and I should learn. But people are often neither asking for the major benefits of migrating to a new product, service or way of living.

I am not against change - I already changed several times my mainly used programming language for instance. But I ask for benefits and costs of the change. It does not make sense to continuously being in change because the change/migration phase is not the peek of productivity. The arguments are:

• Migration to something new costs time and often also money.
  New products must be bought, people must be trained, ...
  
• New products or paths usually do not work very well at the beginning - there are usually some "patches" required after a first test period.
• New is not always better.
  Sad, but true - there are a lot of new things created that are not having improved quality. - Sometimes new things were just produced cheaper and hence do have less quality.
  

Change can be a good thing and I am not against change. But there must be clear benefits and the costs may not be exaggerated in relation. When something new has been adapted/implemented and it works well then it should be used a while to be profitable.

So analyze the real problem, the benefits and risks of possible solutions as well as their costs. As you do look at different sites, compare prices and qualities before buying a new car, why not also for your personal development?

To change or not to change - that is the question. You have to set the benefits, risks and costs in relation to each other.

As we are all part of the whole we must start slowing down the change speed if we want to reduce the stress of change requests and requirement. I good site to start slowing down is www.slowdownnow.org.

Related posts: Quickly change a habit, Hard exercise, You can learn fast. Decision planning, As it would be the last day, Direction over goals, Slowing down.

Stop war by stopping defense

The problem: You are feeling getting involved in a war.
War can be fought on several levels, it doesn't have to be physical war. It can be fought on economic level, on psychological level, in a discussion (see also How to Keep a Relationship at ThinkSimpleNow), by mobbing and so on. It hasn't to be plenty of soldiers running against another plenty of soldiers. War is already started in the small - when two people cannot live in peace next to each other. Although you in general do not want to fight or trigger a war you sometimes suddenly feel already within a war without either noticing how it happened. This can happen even although your philosophy is very far from starting wars.

The reason: War is mostly started during defense and defense is practiced because of fears.
Mostly a war is caused by defensive actions in the will to survive. While the will to stay living is a legitimate idea life is often not threatened. Defensive actions are already started when the idea comes up that something might happen that in the long run can threaten not only your life but also your resources and either your ideas. Defensive actions are often an exaggerated reaction to some others action interpreted as an attack or interpreted as the possible preparation for an attack.

In your daily life there can be many actions interpreted as an attack or as a threat by others without your notice and so you get fought and don't know why.

The solution: Stop actions that hurt others and don't act defensive where not necessary.
You need to improve your empathy ("try other ones shoes", imagine yourself in the situation of the other, listen with attention) to find out how you are hurting others. Pay attention not only to your actions, also to your words. Find out your fears - they might be completely exaggerated. Don't respond with defensive reactions where not necessary. Step back and look at the situation. Imagine a world war and think twice if it is really necessary to fight right here at the moment. Imagine there is war and nobody attends.

Related posts: An eye for an eye, About religions, Dissolved Aggressiveness, Best defense, The wise talk less.

Setting borderlines

While many talking about setting goals I found something missing during my daily experiences: Missing borderlines.

Where you need borderlines/limits:

• Education of children (there you need a lot)
  
• Weekly working hours
• Minimum sleeping hours
  
• Exploitation of the world resources
• ...

Borderlines have to do with area. You need space for yourself, for realizing your goals and for everything you want to put into your life. So there need to be limits for other things so they do not eat up all the time and space available.

It is like the old Zen koan I got reminded of thanks to Avani at Avani-Mehta blog:

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen. Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. "It is overfull. No more will go in!"

"Like this cup," Nan-in said, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?"

Time, space and resources are limited. When you want to change in most cases you need free space. The most important area is yourself: Your time, your mind, your health, your personal resources.

To respect also the of other people borderlines is needed for our all living together as every living individual (human or animal) needs a territory - some place to live and hence parts of the resources. This applies to physical needs and either to non-visible things like individual thinking.

So be aware of existing borderlines - yours and those of others. And set clear borderlines to ensure that everything in your life gets emphasized appropriately.

Why investing enough time rules

The Parkinson's Law (basically) states:

work expands to fill the time available

I already wrote about it earlier here.

Introduction: When I got notice of the Parkinson's Law the first time I already had a feeling in the belly that usage of this rule is counter productive and I will not adopt it. However, I found out in the meantime: I am already using Parkinson's Law! - Why? - We have a baby! So, since about 9 months my time for new private projects is from zero to one hour a day maximum. Although he is sleeping sometimes longer in the afternoon or plays alone there are other things like housekeeping to do in this time. And further my wife is not working yet and hence has more time she wants to spend with me. So time for other projects or hobbies is reduced to an absolute minimum. The hobbies I can do most is photography because I can take pictures from our son while looking after him. Many people strongly recommend to shoot in raw and postprocess images on the computer. And for this I simply do not have time. I can be happy if I have time to sort them out and put some on the internet.

The minimal use of Parkinson's law: Reducing the available time and/or budget by a nonessential amount can indeed increase productivity because people then are cutting off the unnecessary things. So this helps avoiding bloated projects. People may also find smarter solutions for an existing problem. But important here is: Continuously reducing time/budget a little is the same as extreme usage of Parkinson's law!

The extreme use of Parkinson's law: Reducing the available time and/or budget by an essential amount will freeze the project! Reducing available time in general or increasing open projects or to-dos by an essential number leads to giving up on all (bigger) projects. In the extreme - what can't be done in an hour or in one (business) day must be dropped. When looking at time and budget separately you can reduce time significantly by investing more money sometimes - sometimes. With a minimum of available time/budget people usually tend to start doing something immediately to solve the problem but usually do not do (any) planning. This increases the probability of total escalation.

Not use Parkinson's law and doing the opposite: On the other hand when increasing available time and/or budget for a project then people can be more creative.

Simple sample: If you have only very little time to furnish your apartment then you will have no time to look at different shops and take the first and/or cheapest things you see. If you have enough time then you can develop ideas for smart solutions how to use the available space in your home. You will feel better and your home will be more functional and prettier.

Enough time means that people use enough time to plan and find smart solutions. And if people find smarter solutions during work (because of their experiences in a new realm of work) they have time and money buffers to implement changes to get the smarter solution. Enough time means improved quality and improved creativity. And if there is really no more time needed to improve quality any more then people may be so creative to invent new products for similar problems. Imagine what type of car you would have if companies wouldn't invest enough time into research and development...

But there is a prerequisite that is needed to make it work increasing quality by increasing time: You need your workers to be motivated! Otherwise they will use the more time doing other things than improving the quality.

Related post: Parkinson's Law and quality, Urging to forge at full speed.

Quickly change a habit

The problem: A bad habit must be changed quickly to avoid further suffering.
When you found a bad habit it often takes a lot of time to change it. This can be a big problem because the bad habit can have very negative impacts. Although you know the situation, the bad habit and an alternative solution you cannot change the habit immediately.
Sample: You react emotional in specific situations with your wife, a friend, a co-worker or even the boss which lead to litigations.

The reason: Most bad habits are a row of fast automatic reactions.

The solution: Pattern recognition and early intervention.
Most bad habits are not triggered by a single signal. Usually there are several circumstances that must come together - or in other words - most problems are multi-cause-problems.
Although it will still need hard work and you will probably not change all your bad habits immediately the following steps can help to improve habit changing speed:

1. Get aware of all the parameters (external and internal events and status) that are relevant for the critical situation.
2. Identify external and internal triggers and steps that lead to the critical situation or either just increase the possibility of escalation to the critical situation.
   
3. Think of alternatives to avoid already the early contributors to the situation that later on may escalate.

When you analyze only the situation when already escalating you will also only get aware of the critical situation when already escalating, about to escalate or however very shortly before. This can be too late to stop your reactions that are already running automatically.

Early notice when you are on a "probably dangerous path" that may lead to a bad situation and early intervention overcomes the problem of the delay with which you are recognizing the escalation of a situation.

Further, knowing many contributing details, you can choose from a greater amount of possibilities where you can change things. This does not mean that you should avoid any action you take. It means that you can do things in another way when they are far from getting difficult and dangerous.

There is a story I came along many years ago but I remembered it right now because it illustrates what I mean - the hole:

Imagine, you are walking on the street. There is a hole. You fall into it. It is the fault of the others. You are angry about the spite of other persons and you are thinking who could be the person that dig you that hole. It consumes a lot of power and time to get out of the hole.

Imagine, your are walking on the street. There is a hole. You fall into it. It is your fault. You are angry about yourself. It consumes a lot of power and time to get out of the hole.

Imagine, your are walking on the street. There is a hole. You fall into it - it's routine. You climb up.

Imagine, your are walking on the street. There is a hole. You take a roundabout route and don't fall into it.

Imagine to take another street and there is no hole.

Related posts: Safety distance, Hard Exercise, How to instantly change a habit.

Hard exercise

The post 5 Healthy Reasons to Stop Looking for Magic Pills at the Positivityblog gave me a feeling of relief. Although I know that life is life long learning somewhere hidden in the background there is often the search for the "magic pill" - the piece of information or piece of software that solves all my problems at once.

Accepting the truth that there does not exist in general a quick and easy solution solving a big amount of problems at once brings the advantage that you stop wasting time searching for such a wonder.

I often find people trying to solve problems with a piece of software that is definitely not intended to solve such kind of problems. As vendors often write on their websites that nearly every problem can be solved with their piece of software (in some cases you only have to write a damn plugin ;-) ) a lot of people believe it. Or maybe they use that software because that piece of software is the one they know best.... - They often loose a lot of time trying to apply a lot of dirty hacks.

Speaking of software, as a software developer I was used to the idea that solving a problem once (writing a program) solves it forever. Yes, this is (partly) true for software development (with the change of programming languages and underlying operating systems re-solving the same problem can be necessary, so "forever" is mostly not really forever) and it can be (partly) true for a lot of other technical problems. But this is technical realm.

When we are working on ourselves trying to improve and get better you cannot just apply a fix and then all your problems or "instabilities" are solved. Not even for one particular problem it mostly is not that easy.

The sad truth is: You have to exercise - practice on and on to "implement" the changes. This is hard work and takes time.

What helps reducing the time to "implement fixes":

• Analyze the problem and find the "real" (root) problem.
  Sometimes a set of actual problems we face is just a lot of effect of an error made earlier.
  
• Discover the reason.
  Find the cause for the harmful event and the motivation behind your actions that caused suffering.
• Change the philosophy.
  Re-think your particular or general philosophy, beliefs and convictions accordingly so better experiences and results can be expected.

But then still there remains hard work!

Related post: Find the root problem

Safety distance

There is a lot you can learn by trial and error. But there are some actions and either whole jobs where errors can have fatal impacts:

• Changing a baby (you have to pay attention that it does not fall from the changing table)
• Driving a car
  
• Doctor at operation
• ... and many, many more

As I work in software development there are a very lot of errors and there are either some sort of errors that can have fatal impacts - for example the programs for money transfer and other data transactions.

In such cases it is important to have a "safety distance" from the dangerous and critical point. I mean here with safety distance every behavior and security tool that helps reducing the probability of fatal incidents. Imagine you are standing on a high rock and look down. You will probably not step to the very front line. So I think of staying away from the most dangerous situations.

When working on large projects it can also be important to avoid situations and solutions that can go easily wrong as for instance think of worst case scenarios and try to avoid them already in advance by choosing different solutions or at least identify early indicators. And for programming it means to do more error checking in your code, use checksums on data transfers and so on.

You are not immediately a perfectionist if you simply keep the "safety distance" to reduce the probability of fatal impacts. Perfectionism starts when keeping the safety distance to non-critical situations.

Lessons from a baby

I am back from vacation. In former times I slept and read more on vacation. This time I invested the time with our baby. I want to share some things I can learn from my 9 months old son:

• He is feeling well no matter where he is as long as the loved ones are around.
  We often refuse being happy because the hotel room is too small or when we find the beach dirty - things that do not really count in life.
  
  
• Have a smile for every new person you meet.
  Although he does not talk and does not have cool things like a fast car, an iPod or other cool things, he found a lot of friends. Meeting a new person the first thing he did, was looking in the eyes and smiling and so he managed it.
  
  
• Invest time in looking at a new situation or thing before immediately taking action.
  In a lot of cases I could see that he is looking around a long time when confronted with something new. This is a good habit in my opinion which can save you some harm.
  
  
• Everything new is a reason for happiness.
  When you get notice of something new it is at first a reason to be happy. Everything new has the potential of being useful. At least - if it is not - you can say that this also has been tried or taken into consideration.
  
  
• Listen mindfully.
  Although he does not understand much so far, he is listening very attentive when you talk to him.
  
  
• Insist in your right to be respected by others.
  When he is ignored for a longer while he is rising his voice and complains about the fact that he is not taken into consideration. When you respect others and take them into consideration it is your right also to be taken into consideration and that others respect also your needs.