What remains

During the last months I have seen the effects of dementia - happening to my father in law. We had really good and very funny days. Not only that he cannot remember those days any more, communication can be really a challenge when everything is forgotten in less than a minute.

An interesting and important fact I learned dealing with this situation: The content of any dialog is forgotten pretty soon - but the emotions are remembered way longer!

Not in the same extreme way, but I do notice also in many other situations:
Arguments are ignored or forgotten quite easily, but the feelings, the emotions and the whole mental situation is burned into people's mind quite easily.

So in reality when communicating with other people you should pay more attention at the sensation you are creating than on the content.

You will see, people are not as rational as you believed....

Related post: Emotion and sensation, There is suffering, 6 triggers of bad actions, The wise talk less.

The wise talk less

I cannot tell the origin of the quote "Imagine there is war and nobody is showing up", I heard it several times and in fact I do see war as one of the silliest actions, humans can do. My grandma told me a lot about the second world war, so I have got a few impressions from the time back then. But when I think of war I also think of litigation, quarrel and almost any form of aggressiveness between humans.

For me it is clear that I won't go somewhere to make war or go to someone because I want to litigate. But what comes to my mind more often lately is: What if the war comes to me?

Myagi (in the film Karate Kid) says: "Best defense ... not be there". I mentioned that earlier in the post "Best defense". As I also mentioned there that even being the most peaceful creature, sometimes it may necessary to fight - and - People are way too creative in seeing threats anywhere.

It is very easy to offend people and in fact people feel offended even if it was the last thing you desired. That's why it is so difficult to just make peace.

Lately I discussed this topic with my father and he said: "Even the most peaceful animal starts to fight if it feels cornered." While it is quite easy to get aware when you are physically pushed into a corner, from psychologic, economic or political viewpoint it might be not always easy to distinguish whether you are caught in a dead-end or not.

Even from a distant philosophical or ethical point of view avoiding the fight/quarrel/litigation - and by this accept an aggressor to get closer and overrun everybody else, is not a solution either. The tipping point here maybe is: "Don't avoid fight at any cost."

Fight or war should be however be the very, very last option. In most cases compasion and empathy are the better alternatives. And instead of destroying something it is better to construct something better (which will the worse cause to fade away itself).

Oh, by the way: I discovered, that the more you talk (or write ;-) ) the more you are at risk that somebody gets it wrong what you say and feel offended. Maybe that is a major reason why wise people usually talk less and only talk if they are asked. That way the risk of other people getting it wrong and be offended is reduced.

Related posts: Best defense, Stop war by stopping defense, Little respect, Dissolved aggressiveness, Stake your claim, What remains.

Living on others costs

Whenever I stand in front of my brother's grave I get reminded about the fact that I would have never met my wife if he would still be around.

I don't know if I would have married anyway and whom. And if I would have had the two wonderful children I do have now. Everything would be different I think.

What I also get reminded then in the next step is: Whenever people die, they make place for other life. And then I notice all the small things that are said and done harming others in one or the other way.

I think - in the same moment - of people getting exploited in their work and of people being psychological harmed for the sake or fun of somebody else.

We should remember that we do not have more permission to live than anybody else. I abominate people who just think of their own advantage, but dealing severely with myself, I can find myself also sometimes being egocentric.

There is overall equilibrium of life on this planet, just distribution of amount and quality varies from one corner of the world to another.

If I still would have my brother around, of course attention of my parents would be shared on us both. If he would have family probably we would see my parents less often to help us out looking after the children etc. - I must be thankful of the attention that I get and keep in mind, that whenever people are doing me a favor, they could have done for somebody else ... and maybe there would have been other people having a more serious and more urgent need for that attention...

Be thankful in the small

Today I had a lot of troubles due technical problems, but also due to strange concepts of people and strange implementations.

I was angry because I was not able to get my top priority work done for today and even arrived home late - my wife was angry too...

I was angry about all the people causing trouble...

Then my wife told me that today many people have helped her and without asking people have taken over and finished work for her. Wow! Can't say, that I had a lot of these experiences. In most cases I feel quite alone with my problem. That said, I began to re-think my day. Isn't it possible that I got some little help which I didn't either notice?

And yes, I found at least 4 cases of little or even medium sized help today. Not in all cases I said "Thank you".

And we really need every little helping hand!

And for those who did not really help you - thank good, that they didn't sabotage you! And for those who did sabotage you, thank them, that they didn't do either worse and kept a little rest of good-will!

Invest a minute to review an advice

Yesterday we were at a playground for children when I saw a father putting his little girl to empty her bowels right there on the playground. And even a second time a few minutes later. I walked there asking kindly to do this in the WC in the restaurant 100 meters away or at least behind one of the plenty trees right next to the playground. Guess what: I got badmouthed. - ...well, I could have guessed such behaviour to fit to piggy person like this.

This was somehow the peak of a general sad "hype" that I notice more often lately: People are doing wrong, get advised or others try to help but those people are heavily resistant to insight and refuse any chance to improve (a situation or themselves as a whole).

Is it so hard to even just review an advice kindly given? - In most cases I experience, people are building up walls and raise their weapons for self defence in an instant without even thinking 30 seconds, if the other person's thought could be worth appliance/implementation.

In communication science they tell you that in written form a lot of elements get lost and it is always better to communicate face-to-face. I say, face-to-face is not always the best way because when people are alone, hidden behind their laptops or in their beds, they are more likely to spend a minute on self reflection or review their thoughts of the day.

When you get critics, think of the chance to improve! Others who have given up on you, won't bother to correct you, they just stopped to cope with you. Those who criticize you, are still interested in you and want to socialize with you!

Prudential innovation

Very busy times for me - I have started a new job at another company. After 13 years at the same company I feel quite uncomfortable now - I am used to know all the internal workflows and this brings us to the topic:

People are often trying to avoid changes and usually this is seen negative as missing flexibility. I do consider myself of being flexible, but I do feel inner resistance to some elements of my new job. Analyzing the situation I find that this resistance has a simple reason: Some things worked better and more efficient the way I did it before. Not everything that is new, is better. But on the other hand, there are pretty reasons why things are done in other ways at other places.

Different companies have different focus, different countries have different cultures, different craftsmen need different tools, different software has different flaws, ... - and people need to adapt with their thinking, with their decisions and with their way of working.

However, there is always potential for improvement and wherever you go, keep in mind, that your input - the input of the new person with new ideas is very important. The big mistake is, if you judge everything new being wrong or done in a stupid way. If you act this way you will get negative responses and road blocks wherever you turn.

Before you change things you need to investigate in detail why the things are done currently the way they are done! There might be pretty good reasons!

Then, when you have analyzed the situation - then is the point to discuss evaluate possible alternatives and discuss this with the right people. A single person can improve to a certain level, but a complete team getting better and better by collaborating - that is real power.

Related posts: People and information, The big difference of the How, Transferable know-how, See you again.

See you again

An idea of the Zen philosophy is that you should leave a place in a better condition than you found it when you arrived.

When you need to leave good friends or communities where people relied on you, it is of course difficult to go without hurting anybody. And people might be angry with you because they feel sold out.

Despite the difficulties, try to leave in peace!

You never know, you might meet people again later in your life. Leave behind friends - or at least - don't leave behind enemies.

Related post: Prudential innovation.

People and Information

A lot of problems are closely related to information or (to point more directly to the reason of this post) - the lack of information is a primary cause for a lot of information.

But such a lack has to be defined more detailed. When something goes wrong, it could be that:

1. Information has not been (well) researched.
   This includes: People not enough interested to gather the required or helpful information, people not getting enough into detail.
   
2. (Wrong) assumptions and interpretations about the existing information.
   This includes: People reading more from the information as given as well as leaving out details that seem to be irrelevant.
   
3. Information not well distributed (in time).
   This includes: People do not well know or forget to distribute researched or received information to the right people who need to deal with it, people have outdated contact details of other persons (e.g. wrong address), technical problems in information delivery (delayed emails, emails moved to spam), information distributed too late, people replying only to sender and do not reply to all when several people on the original recipient list, inadequate systems used (email instead of forums for multi-player-projects, forums used although a Wiki would do better or would be required in addition etc etc), information arriving at the wrong people.
   
4. Information not read/listened (carefully).
   Yes, in many cases, people simply do not read (well) their e-mails or stop after a few lines when facing longer messages. By tendency the longer a letter/email/document the more likely is it that it is not read (carefully/until the end).
   
5. Information is not understood.
   In many cases information has to cross several borders (e.g. from customer to sales to project manager to technical staff and back all the way) and during this information flow the information also has to be somewhat translated, because on different levels there are different "languages" being spoken. - And this brings us to the more important point: In many cases people speaking different languages are involved or at least not having the same mother tongue.

Whenever something starts getting wrong, examine the points above and check your situation. I notice that in many cases, the organization (of a company for instance) may be a big factor that decides whether information is taking the right paths or not.

Related posts: Information overflow, Tell not more and not less, Hot air, Prudential innovation, Prejudice vs economization.

One and a half words

I am reading more than 100 blogs and news sites using RSS news feeds (well differently I could not handle it). Certainly I only rush through the titles and read only a very few articles. Many of them could be shorter without loosing content.

A friend of mine often says when he wants to explain something:

One word is not sufficient, but two are already too much.

I really like Zen koans and I have a book of 101 zen koans - I think it is this set. What I like is that the wise men mostly response with just one sentence.

When talking with people I notice that when I talk much, they anyway might remember just a few sentences - but which ones?

Try to say it with less sentences - being those that are remembered...

Related post: Who cares?

Peoples history

It happens so easily that we label other people being idiots or behaving in a strange way. A broad minded way of looking at others is often missing and we are often not very "fault-tolerant" when it comes to our social living.

Just to give an example: How often does it happen that you drive by car and find yourself arguing about others in front or behind you doing stupid maneuvers?

Usually we look at people (or even on everything else also) in a quite limited way. While labeling others we put our own limited view and experience onto them and on this poor base we start with heavy interpretation and wild guessing.

But we usually know very little to nothing about the personal history and experience of others (even of our friends and neighbours)!

Prior to labeling and criticizing others we should do a lot of listening and asking for reasons! Maybe we can learn a lot!

Related posts: Crappy Guesswork, The value of experience.

Create consensus

I was in the train on the way home. A girl was sitting in some distance (the train was quite empty). She was reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People".

She has put her legs on the seat in front of her and she was wearing
earphones. She either didn't look up and around once in a while and had her hair falling over her eyes. I did not read that book but I wonder if this is the right way to make friends? - Well, maybe this is exactly the reason why she reads that book. ;-)

However, it reminds me to a meeting last week where I noticed statements aimed at totally different goals.

My conclusion of such experiences is: Many people do not notice how contrary their own talking, their goals, their behavior - yes, their complete character is.

How can we find consense in this world when either a single person can't find consense?

I understand that it is difficult sometimes to find a homogeneous style of living in modern times, but we should watch our most obvious visible contradictions in our behavior.

Related posts: Between short and long term goals, Masked rot.

Tell not more and not less

Reading personal development blogs I often read that you should reduce the amount of words you write and say sticking to the kernel message.

And they are right because of a simple argument: Nobody wants to spend a long time reading and listening in times of information overflow. This is reason enough to reduce the text in your mailings and phone calls.

But be aware of reducing too much! - Many people are very quickly in adding interpretations where they lack information.

Here is a sample conversation via SMS I faced two days ago:

A: I would like to pass by for a short talk. Do you have time now or are you busy?
B: After 9:45

Person A interpreted the response that B has time after 9:45 and is busy now (maybe because of the short response). A passed at 10:30 and found B busy because B meant "After 9:45 I am busy".

What has to be said must be said - not more and not less!

Wrong interpretations others get from your information can be very dangerous!

Related posts: Blog post lengths or how to write, Information Overflow, The time bandits, Importance of collaboration, Hot air, People and Information.

How to rebuff somebody

The problem: You feel considering others so much while others do not really contribute.
When conflicts arise I do have very often the feeling, that I am the flexible one, I am the one considering others and reducing my own desires and needs. Looking around I can see there are those type of persons who have the general habit of requesting others to change and on the other hand those who somehow mostly become the "victim".

The reason: You are flexible and agile which makes it less effort needed if you change.
While working on your personal development (consciously or not) you may have cultivated skills like flexibility, creativity, humility and so on. You might have commit to change.

Now, when there is a problem or conflict, it is often very hard work and difficult for people to climb-down, change or simply just consider a little bit the others. Mostly people are focused on themselves and their own goals.

So, if you learned flexibility others do notice that and know (consciously or not) that for you it will only be small effort to change for you and they often do not have any idea (if they are willing) how they could solve the problem themselves.

The solution: Suggest how they can solve the problem themselves.
As you are flexible and creative you could help out with proposals how they can solve the problem themselves.

Just to give a sample: When somebody feels disturbed by you being too noisy while there is at least one door (of office or bedroom) that can be closed, you could suggest to close the door when that somebody wants to have silence.

Another sample: When discussing a concept for a project with a customer there might be requests that are complicated to implement, but with a small change in the customers processes the whole project could be a lot easier to implement (and therefore also gets cheaper).

The point is: When others request solutions from you (and they can be very persistent in requesting that you solve the problem), you can sometimes solve the problem simply by pointing out how they could solve the problem easily.

So you solved the problem without retreating yourself which also means that you can handle the problem as solved. It is not an open issue for you any more.

Related posts: Between GTD and GHE, The time bandits, Efficient meetings, Stop the service, Stake your claim, Let'em wait, Scoundrel days.

Importance of collaboration

This morning listening to the news I heard that there is the first case of swine flu arrived in Austria. They told that the person is in hospital already getting better.

The swine flu teaches us about the importance of sharing information and collaboration around the world!

Nowadays due to global traffic illnesses can spread out easily getting pandemic. Without the traffic illnesses would spread slower and the radius in which sharing of information and cooperation is that important may be smaller, but anyway: If something of big relevance happens (and that is not necessarily to be an illness, it can be any experience and knowledge that is gained), the effect sooner or later shows up somewhere else in the world too. And it is not only the traveling humans, it is also wind, water or animals that is keeping things moving.

When talking about "something of big relevance" I am talking - besides of illnesses - of any health related effects (electric smog or other emissions, used ingredients in food, ...) and also of technical inventions that reduce our footprint or even political movements, philosophical views and all kind of things that can help improving the world but also can cause very negative impacts.

Although I do not agree with many actions that have been taken globally to fight the economic crisis there is one important thing that people have realized: There must be global solutions!

Collaboration is a word that is widely used as a buzzword - first of all in IT business, but we have to realize that collaboration means in detail the need of:

• communication skills
• intention and desire of making everybody happy
  
• willingness to contribute to the community
  
• viewing at the whole
  
• being open minded
• mastering of the tools to do collaboration
  

The fate and fortune of the whole world is related to the fate and fortune of the single individual!

Related posts: The main purpose, Best wishes to all, An eye for an eye, Tell not more and not less.

The time bandits

Although reading and implementing a lot of life hacking methods I get caught within useless meetings or do other work with less outcome than effort. Not talking about the countless interrupts while you are trying to do something important.
Often people learn to focus only in very tough times when there is no option and the focus on that one thing is the only choice to survive. You may know this from learning for exams or starting with an important work - often you start quite in the last moment.

It is sad, annoying and producing either aggression when you hardly try to be efficient and do your best and then others start or continue to waste your time. Others? Why others? If my time is wasted it is me wasting my time, isn't it?

Indeed, it is you wasting your time, but sometimes there are others contributing a lot to navigate you in such situations. Then often you can't really get out easily.

What can you do to avoid getting caught by the time bandits (yes I prefer the word bandit here in favor of thieve)?

• Never attend a meeting without an agenda!
  
  
• Avoid multitasking. As with computers doing two tasks in parallel means that both tasks get done slower and there is an overhead lost needed for the task switching!
  E. g. Never take the phone or switch to read emails if you are currently working on an important task or on a task that requires your full attention!
  
  
• Have clear and priorities and goals (or direction where you want to go). For whatever comes up that does not meet these commitments define a late schedule.
  
  
• Urge others to be concrete (have concrete goals and priorities). If you can't get concrete information immediately keep asking. Often the get away quickly if you ask the right questions, because they have no idea.
  
  
• Don't jump on hypes just because it's a hype. Do your own critical investigation asking for the big benefit. Often there is no real benefit.
  
  
• Don't start actions as long as others did not take their decisions. You cannot take all decisions for your customers, boss or partners - often it is simply not your job and you are not in the appropriate position. Although it seems to be less effort to take a decision than implementing a project often the decisions take far longer.
  Exception: If it has been declared that you do take all relevant decisions.
  
  
• Learn to ignore things that others deposit on you just to get their mind flushed and cleared (this includes everything from annoying colleagues to news crying for attention.
  Exception: If they really have good and creative ideas.
  
  
• Don't attempt to help others if they do not give the clear statement/commitment that they want to really solve their problem. You can identify such situations by watching the reaction of your first solution proposals or by asking for that commitment prior to further action.
  
  
• Don't take the responsibility for a project that others drove into a mess and then just want to attach the problem to somebody else! You take the responsibility for your actions and others have to take their responsibility.
  Exception: You get hired especially for such an impossible mission and get payed accordingly.
  
  
• Change the environment! Hard to accept, but you simply will never be able to have a power hour if many people are around you and can ask you any stuff by accident.
  
  
• Instruct people that they should ask for your time in advance.
  They should ask for a schedule or at least do not immediately come up with their questions but rather ask before if you have time now. If the question is already told your concentration is gone. But a "No, come back in an hour" can be given automatically without loosing focus.
  
  
• Learn to say "No" or learn to postpone the things that are not really important (procrastination can be useful). Some problems dissolve themselves if you do not disturb them.

Related posts: Time thieves and real news, Change the environment, When changing the environment does not help, Crying for attention, Hot air, Masked rot, Total cost of commitment, Change hype, Focus by direction, Find the root problem, Let 'em wait, Why not multitasking how to, How to rebuff somebody, Tell not more and not less, Razor sharp focus.

When to criticize

A number one tip for positivity that helped me already a lot during the first days of the new year:

Don't criticize when you don't have a solution at hand!
This means that you either should not come up with critics when you would know a solution but don't know a person who has time and the know-how to implement the solution! When you don't have a solution that can be implemented NOW, then probably things are currently in that awful state because no better solution available yet. Just search for a solution and solve the problem yourself or be patient and accept that the world is not perfect!

Further, you should keep in mind to never criticize a person as a whole - just criticize a specific behavior or a particular strategy!

Related posts: An eye for an eye, Spam critics, Positivity barricades, Success with optimism AND pessimism, There are no problems, How to be happy, The power of intention.

The state of mind matters

I am used to work under pressure - only in rare cases this pressure is obviously produced by desparated customers. Mostly I feel the pressure because of the empathy I have developed for the customer so I can imagine how unpleasant it is facing some wired problem while trying to do some other productive and important work. Hours are easily lost by technical problems. In other many cases it is the expectations of others and the desire of being honored and respected that drive me into pressure so. In exaggerated words: "I want to be the hero that can get everything done in miracles." The sad truth is: Unfortunately even if you do miracles it will often not be honored and only expectations grow. Or in the worst case: People think that before the miracles you were doing nothing and just sitting around being bored.

The big bad side effect that everybody will notice when you get more and more done is that you will leave the impression to others being the hectic, fast-paced always on the run guy. People will simply begin to feel bad when you are around.

Just think a moment what people you prefer to meet. When do you feel good together with other people?

In my case people with a calm voice that carefully listen without urging me, allowing also moments of silence giving space that thoughts and feelings can flourish. People who seem somehow in meditation, fully present and relaxed do improve the general quality of the situation. It is the breeding ground for good communication and hence also a breeding ground for a successful meeting. Being on speed comes with the potential danger that you behave like the bull in the china shop. You can destroy the relationship with friends as well as with (potential) customers that way - or also with your boss. Being on speed is not always getting you to the goal fast!

Related posts: In the present moment, Urging to forge at full speed, Getting older.

Masked rot

The problem: Inability to extract the important information from the complete information input stream.
When you are in meetings, in shops, in discussion with vendors or even at job interviews there you are often confronted with new abbreviations, new spicy good sounding words and a lot of filler words. It is epidemic that people get more and more vague in their form of expressions.

The reason: People are masking the rot to get their things or stories sold.
People need to mask the disadvantages of their stuff or the strategies they want to sell you. The vague stuff they want to sell often they bought under vague circumstances themselves. - Yes I am talking also about stock market and the financial crises, but not only. ;-)

As many do cover and mask the stuff to hide probable risks there is also a lack of information which multiplies on the way from a producer to the final buyer. I experience this for instance if I am asking for more detailed information while analyzing the disadvantages before buying something. Many times the (re-)seller has only a very poor idea of what they are selling.

On the other hand there are those who know more details and had bad experiences with angry customers who returned to the shop because they were so disappointed. Those (re-)sellers really try everything to not give any definite answer - especially in IT. They fear the moment you come back and tell them something like "You told me that it works this way".

The solution: Identify the smoke and mirrors and stick to concrete clear information.
The only chance to survive all those false fronts is to analyze the situations to dissolve illusions and to insist in your requests for concrete and clear statements, in detail:

• Ask yourself for possible interests of the people you are dealing with.
  In general the others talking about their interests they seem like Mother Teresa, but usually they are not. They are working to achieve their very own egoistic goals. Guessing their goals can uncover smoke and mirrors.
  
  
• Do unemotional analysis.
  Especially when somebody wants to sell you something the person wants to push your "wish" buttons and create demand within you - demand you might never have had before. Drop your emotions and especially your expectations also. Then analyze the situation, the product or the offered service.
  
  
• Search for the disadvantages.
  There is always at least one disadvantage. There is no product, no service - nothing - that has only advantages. Why? Because of the simple truth that you can't have everything at once - there is no magic pill. If you get told that there is no disadvantage you can be sure that the person is masking rot (or isn't either aware of the disadvantages). Try to ask for the disadvantages.
  
  
• Ask for concrete explanation of all the fancy words that people are using that you don't know.
  People often use abbreviations and buzzwords to appear as a specialist and they count on the other people's desire not being the stupid. Many that don't know the meaning of particular words are too shy to ask. So those people using these words can hide behind them. If you ask for explanation of the fancy words (even if you already heard 3 other explanations) the other people get annoyed and they reduce usage and get more simple and clear in their speaking. A justification of that behavior asking for explanation is that often people use fancy words without really knowing what they mean. If you ask for explanation (and insist of a little more detailed explanation) those often can be unveiled.
  
  
• Ignore fillers and brilliant labels.
  There is so much stuff that does not affect the quality of the product or service. Vague filler words that everybody is using (buzzwords) or particular labels that scream out to stand for quality are some of that stuff. Memorize only the information that really matters.

Related post: Information overflow., Create consensus.

Spam critics

The problem: Loosing self-esteem due to overwhelming criticism.
To prevent from social exclusion it is necessary to seek for confirmation. Without approval of our actions in the world and communicating with our fellow human beings we would not be able to live together. So social adjustment is important.

But it can happen that critics of others occur in masses reducing your self-esteem and it could cause depression.

The reason: Greed for love and credit, Fear of others, bad social adjustment.

• Bad social adjustment:
  If you in general are very lonely, only have a very few friends then it might be necessary to quality proof your strategies for social adjustment.
  
• Greed for love and credit:
  You might already have poor self-esteem and therefore seeking confirmation, credit and affection everywhere. Every critics is again reducing your already poor self-esteem. And others with the same problem not able to increase their own value try to reduce yours.
  
• Fear of others:
  Others may fear your power, your authenticity, your charisma. In such cases it also can happen that you are criticized a lot.

The solution: Appreciate every constructive critics and discard the rest.
There are two ways to deal with different kind of critics:

• Every critic is a chance to learn. Critics are donations to you to help you in your personal development. But these must be constructive. You might have a number of friends (more likely less than five) who you fully respect or at least consider being constructive and honest real friends. There can also be family members playing such a role for you. Critics coming from those should be considered with a higher priority and you should deal with it.
  
• To deal with critics is work for you, because you have to deal with the problem - analyze, think of other strategies, review. And the big problem is that there are spammers here. And be careful with social hostility. Getting completely negated by others can drastically reduce self-esteem although you do not need to consider those people (or let's say their critics). People, continuously offending you and telling you that you are wrong on any little opportunity should be considered as spammer and hence they can be ignored.

You cannot please everybody - focus on those who matter for you (basically the family, close friends and customers).

If they breath down your neck then just tell them what they want to hear (for instance that you are terrible sorry) - give sugar to the ape and just let it go. This is probably the most easy way to get rid of them. They are not part of you - you do not need to be honest and sincere. Although in general you should like to be a honest and authentic person, there are brick-walls where you need to search for new methods.

For those who fear your power you can deal with them the same way as you deal with spammers, but you can see it as a confirmation for you!

Related posts: Who cares?, All Done status, When to criticize, The family, Primary motivator.

Man in the middle or honor the people

The problem: People being greedy to feed their ego.
You might know very well that being greedy to feed your ego is cause of suffering and hence you hold it down to keep it in it's fences. But there is also a lot of suffering produced by other people being greedy to feed their ego.

Sample: It can be seen often that in groups there are some people that always trying to be the most attractive point. Such people by tendency do also not allow other opinions than their own (this is some sort of "man-in-the-middle-attack" ;-) ).

When we see such people we get often annoyed of them or we are just tired of dealing with them.

The reason: Missing respect and credit.
We often find such people aggressive in some way, but it is "simply" their desperate effort of getting some respect and credit. Actually in our intuition we do avoid them or we fight them but the last thing we would give them is a little respect and credit although that is what they really want.

The solution: Do something for other people's ego.
Why not doing something good for those people? Even if you are very good in holding down your ego, you also need confirmation, respect and you need to be honored. And even if you can live completely without any validation response from other people that you are on the right path in your personal development and do the right things right, it gives you power!

That does not mean that you should sit down, being proud of your glory and stop working! You should use the glory as a fuel to go ahead!

Do give other also some fuel and so the power to do more healthy things than being greedy to feed their ego!

And while you are honoring others you are doing a good exercise in taking your own ego back. Which also is good because of several reasons, for instance:

• You do usually know very few about a thing so staying in the back to watch a while is not the worst idea.
• When you are in the front line you are watched by all and every little mistake is noticed and goes to your account.
• You can develop more empathy when you are in the back watching.
  

Related posts: Little respect, The most important things to know, To be important.