I know that not all people have a good relationship with their parents and other family members. I think, I am quite lucky having a very good family - not only from my own roots. Even the relatives of my wife got an important part of my family.
But even in less luckier situations I think that there is always a "strong" relationship between family members - where I would not consider using "intensive" as a synonyme for "strong" here for example.
When everything is crumbeling down, when everybody is abandoning you - I think, the family members are the ones who leave you alone with your problems last.
Treat well your family members and have time for them - they are worth the investment! Even if they sometimes can step on your nerves...
Related posts: Who cares, The golden rule, Bigges worries, Total cost of commitment, Stop the service, Spam critics, Many hands.
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
2010-10-18
2009-11-22
Biggest worries
One of my biggest worries always was to get the children born healthy and sane. Now, with the birth of our second child I am very happy and thankful that both are well.
Thinking of the family I do notice that it is extremely important to me that my loved ones stay well - healthy, sane and happy.
But the other very, very important thing mostly underestimated while everything runs (still) fine: Having a job is a key major need and doing a good job is the best insurance of keeping it.
Remaining without a regular work / day job is one of my key worries. It is a requirement to get settled with your family and have enough money/resources for food, roof, clothes and medical support.
The next biggest worry is that my loved ones get ill, rubbed or knocked down for example. I want to know them being sane and save. Having a good job and enough income is a key requirement to get everything needed for a living.
Although quite logical and most should know, sometimes I have the impression that people's life is so full of things that the most primary priorities lack attention...
Related posts: The most important things to know, Knowledge is freedom, Needs and meaning, The family.
Thinking of the family I do notice that it is extremely important to me that my loved ones stay well - healthy, sane and happy.
But the other very, very important thing mostly underestimated while everything runs (still) fine: Having a job is a key major need and doing a good job is the best insurance of keeping it.
Remaining without a regular work / day job is one of my key worries. It is a requirement to get settled with your family and have enough money/resources for food, roof, clothes and medical support.
The next biggest worry is that my loved ones get ill, rubbed or knocked down for example. I want to know them being sane and save. Having a good job and enough income is a key requirement to get everything needed for a living.
Although quite logical and most should know, sometimes I have the impression that people's life is so full of things that the most primary priorities lack attention...
Related posts: The most important things to know, Knowledge is freedom, Needs and meaning, The family.
2009-10-04
Being like a child
In personal development blogs I read a lot about being like a child increases creativity and happiness for example. I have also seen people having serious psychological problems when growing up and facing an increasing amount of worries.
Indeed, when remembering childhood I can recall fewer worries than later on when in a relationship, in business world or after starting a family. But the point is that there were not less reasons to worry when I was a child. I was just not aware of them! - I could have worried about my future job, if I would earn enough money to keep my family fed and so on. Growing up I got aware of more and more things that can go wrong, more and more important decisions that could be life changing.
Returning to be like a child for me in some way would seem like just fading out most of the worries I am now aware of. And in fact some people when facing themselves in the middle of job, family and future worries, get into midlife crisis or just put their had in the sand (or their nose into the alcohol or whatever).
The blogs or people recommending to return being a child do mean particular properties that children usually have, such as curiosity, being themselves (what they say and do fits together), worry less etc. - But I think that you can't tear these things out of context. You usually can't do something experiencing just the positive and not the negative aspects that come with your decision. For example: With the comfort of going by car you have to refuel it which costs money. Or a more related example: "The all done status" - I am usually the more happy the more I feel that I have the impression that all my duty has been done. I had that impression much more often in childhood than nowadays. But in reality there were a lot more things uncertain and not finished in those times. I just did not know. I could have said that it is just not the right time for more - but I could have done more to be well prepared for life. And what holds me from saying that now - "it is not the right time for more"?
They say, the wise people are again more like a child. I think the key does not lie in the intention to return to childhood. I think the key lies in mastering the uncertainty and worries by surpassing a certain level of wisdom. Others will then notice a light heartedness known from childhood but the background of such wise people must be completely different.
Sometimes an effect cannot be reached by just focusing on the desired effect, because the effect is created in a totally different way. As a sample I think it is very hard to achieve lasting happiness without knowing what real suffering is.
Related posts: All done status, How to be happy, Highly happy people, There is suffering.
Indeed, when remembering childhood I can recall fewer worries than later on when in a relationship, in business world or after starting a family. But the point is that there were not less reasons to worry when I was a child. I was just not aware of them! - I could have worried about my future job, if I would earn enough money to keep my family fed and so on. Growing up I got aware of more and more things that can go wrong, more and more important decisions that could be life changing.
Returning to be like a child for me in some way would seem like just fading out most of the worries I am now aware of. And in fact some people when facing themselves in the middle of job, family and future worries, get into midlife crisis or just put their had in the sand (or their nose into the alcohol or whatever).
The blogs or people recommending to return being a child do mean particular properties that children usually have, such as curiosity, being themselves (what they say and do fits together), worry less etc. - But I think that you can't tear these things out of context. You usually can't do something experiencing just the positive and not the negative aspects that come with your decision. For example: With the comfort of going by car you have to refuel it which costs money. Or a more related example: "The all done status" - I am usually the more happy the more I feel that I have the impression that all my duty has been done. I had that impression much more often in childhood than nowadays. But in reality there were a lot more things uncertain and not finished in those times. I just did not know. I could have said that it is just not the right time for more - but I could have done more to be well prepared for life. And what holds me from saying that now - "it is not the right time for more"?
They say, the wise people are again more like a child. I think the key does not lie in the intention to return to childhood. I think the key lies in mastering the uncertainty and worries by surpassing a certain level of wisdom. Others will then notice a light heartedness known from childhood but the background of such wise people must be completely different.
Sometimes an effect cannot be reached by just focusing on the desired effect, because the effect is created in a totally different way. As a sample I think it is very hard to achieve lasting happiness without knowing what real suffering is.
Related posts: All done status, How to be happy, Highly happy people, There is suffering.
2008-09-21
Show respect to the team
When you meet a person then get aware of all the effort that was/is necessary to get and keep this person "up and running". There were/are a lot of people contributing to the health of a person while growing up:
Take into consideration that all those people did their best but nobody is perfect. That team of parents, relatives, friends and others did the best from their knowledge to avoid negative impacts and gave their best possible on the person you are meeting. No matter what size the team was/is and who were/are the members - they might have created some "unwanted side effects" also (neurosis and so on). Where work is done there are also mistakes happening.
And the person you are meeting might also be making a lot of effort currently to take care of other persons himself (children, parents that are bedridden).
Say thanks to the team that is supporting you, say thanks to those who are supporting those you love and do your best to continue the supporting work of others wherever possible.
Related posts: Little respect, Respect by attention, Unattended mode, Knowledge is freedom, Be united.
- Parents (especially the mother)
- Grandparents (often being continuously a very great helping hand)
- Aunts, Uncles and other relatives
- Close friends (often they behave as close relatives)
- Other people doing public services (e.g. doctors)
- Changing diaper
- Preparing to eat
- Paying food, clothes and all the other necessary equipment (which often makes it necessary for parents and relatives to forgo about things for their comfort)
- Paying assurances
- Education
- Surgeries
- ...
Take into consideration that all those people did their best but nobody is perfect. That team of parents, relatives, friends and others did the best from their knowledge to avoid negative impacts and gave their best possible on the person you are meeting. No matter what size the team was/is and who were/are the members - they might have created some "unwanted side effects" also (neurosis and so on). Where work is done there are also mistakes happening.
And the person you are meeting might also be making a lot of effort currently to take care of other persons himself (children, parents that are bedridden).
Say thanks to the team that is supporting you, say thanks to those who are supporting those you love and do your best to continue the supporting work of others wherever possible.
Related posts: Little respect, Respect by attention, Unattended mode, Knowledge is freedom, Be united.
2008-08-27
The most important things to know
My 11 month old son is sitting next to me on the floor playing with the door. I am thinking of what I would tell him when I am about to die. What is the most important that I would like to tell him?
Is it that I love him? - I think he knows it already. When I come home I play with him and I hug and cuddle him - and I am there when he needs me.
What is the very most important to know?
I think I would tell him the following:
Important message should not be too long because then nobody can remind.
Related posts: There is suffering, Ethic economy, Scoundrel days, Knowledge is freedom, Biggest worries, Needs and meaning, 6 Triggers of bad action, The fool gives way without borders.
Is it that I love him? - I think he knows it already. When I come home I play with him and I hug and cuddle him - and I am there when he needs me.
What is the very most important to know?
I think I would tell him the following:
Beware of the major reasons of suffering:In some book some years ago I read that greed and attachment are the reasons of suffering. I added the other three here above. Maybe you could reduce it to two major reasons. you could either explain attachment with greed. Attachment to something lost is the greed to keep something. - But I think that some suffering can be decoded easier by knowing some other styles that suffering could have. I was about to add "missing patience" also but it is a kind of greed and I don't want also to add too much to this list.
- Greed
- Attachment
- Missing knowledge
- Absence of compassion
- Selfishness
Important message should not be too long because then nobody can remind.
Related posts: There is suffering, Ethic economy, Scoundrel days, Knowledge is freedom, Biggest worries, Needs and meaning, 6 Triggers of bad action, The fool gives way without borders.
2007-12-26
Many hands
Today I had a very good experience while hosting a family guest now for a few days. She gives us a great helping hand and I have seen the benefit of additional two hands in household and occupying of our baby.
Things can be a lot more efficient if more people help together.
Try it doing things alone and with more people together and you will see how inefficient it is working anyone alone on his own. Nowadays unfortunately it often happens that people are concentrated on their own and and see others more as enemies than potential friends.
Give it a try and group together to achieve more in less time. Another hand - quicker end.
Related posts: The family.
Things can be a lot more efficient if more people help together.
Try it doing things alone and with more people together and you will see how inefficient it is working anyone alone on his own. Nowadays unfortunately it often happens that people are concentrated on their own and and see others more as enemies than potential friends.
Give it a try and group together to achieve more in less time. Another hand - quicker end.
Related posts: The family.
2007-11-26
Value of life
Since I experienced the birth of a baby and the intensive and necessary effort to support a new life in the basic needs and when I imagine future necessary effort, I see all this effort when looking at other persons also.
So many things that can go wrong and cause suffering to children and people - so it seems to be a wonder when I meet nice people.
When meeting people, remember that their life is at least as hard as yours and value their efforts and attempts of getting out of their troubles!
So many things that can go wrong and cause suffering to children and people - so it seems to be a wonder when I meet nice people.
When meeting people, remember that their life is at least as hard as yours and value their efforts and attempts of getting out of their troubles!
2007-10-27
Crying children
The problem: Your baby cries
Unfortunately until your children can talk to you telling you their problem they only cry and you can only guess what is the problem.
The reason: The reason has to be guessed.
The solution: Try the easiest and logical things first.
Try to put yourself in the position of your baby. Some possible problems may be very near to check:
Unfortunately until your children can talk to you telling you their problem they only cry and you can only guess what is the problem.
The reason: The reason has to be guessed.
The solution: Try the easiest and logical things first.
Try to put yourself in the position of your baby. Some possible problems may be very near to check:
- Is your baby hungry? - This is mostly the loudest and desparate cry of the baby.
- Has the pacifier fallen out of it's mouth?
- Is the nappy probably full (nobody wants to sit in a full nappy I guess)?
- Does it want to be taken out of the bed to be near to the mother or father?
- Does it want that you change it's position (from back to belly position for example)?
2007-10-13
Serious life starts immediately
When I was a child I got told that I should be happy that I have all those spare time for playing. When I will go to school the serious life will start.
Similar I got told when I was a school boy. I got told that when I go to work then serious life will start.
Effectively today I don't remember any period in my life where I did not have serious problems.
When I look at my baby son I cannot tell him to be happy because he has nothing to do other than eating and sleeping. He in fact already has some serious problems:
The problem: When managing children they often don't get well understood.
The effects are that complete generations of people do not understand each other and have problems in communication.
The reason: When the years pass by we easily forget about how we felt in our childhood as we begin to see life very differently as the years are passing by.
The solution: Develop and exercise empathy and see that every creature suffers from serious problems.
Try to remember your own childhood (maybe by looking into old diaries) and look through their eyes before telling a homily. Take into consideration that they might grow up in a completely different environment making completely different experiences as you did plenty of years ago. You should grow together with your children.
Similar I got told when I was a school boy. I got told that when I go to work then serious life will start.
Effectively today I don't remember any period in my life where I did not have serious problems.
When I look at my baby son I cannot tell him to be happy because he has nothing to do other than eating and sleeping. He in fact already has some serious problems:
- Make the parents understand when his nappy is full. This is a serious communication problem - not only for him - for us also. I am sure the baby likes to sit in his excrements as much as you do.
- Accept really big dependencies. Without the parents help he is definitely not able to survive.
- Having long phases of hiccups because he didn't figure out so far how to stop it.
The problem: When managing children they often don't get well understood.
The effects are that complete generations of people do not understand each other and have problems in communication.
The reason: When the years pass by we easily forget about how we felt in our childhood as we begin to see life very differently as the years are passing by.
The solution: Develop and exercise empathy and see that every creature suffers from serious problems.
Try to remember your own childhood (maybe by looking into old diaries) and look through their eyes before telling a homily. Take into consideration that they might grow up in a completely different environment making completely different experiences as you did plenty of years ago. You should grow together with your children.
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