How to rebuff somebody

The problem: You feel considering others so much while others do not really contribute.
When conflicts arise I do have very often the feeling, that I am the flexible one, I am the one considering others and reducing my own desires and needs. Looking around I can see there are those type of persons who have the general habit of requesting others to change and on the other hand those who somehow mostly become the "victim".

The reason: You are flexible and agile which makes it less effort needed if you change.
While working on your personal development (consciously or not) you may have cultivated skills like flexibility, creativity, humility and so on. You might have commit to change.

Now, when there is a problem or conflict, it is often very hard work and difficult for people to climb-down, change or simply just consider a little bit the others. Mostly people are focused on themselves and their own goals.

So, if you learned flexibility others do notice that and know (consciously or not) that for you it will only be small effort to change for you and they often do not have any idea (if they are willing) how they could solve the problem themselves.

The solution: Suggest how they can solve the problem themselves.
As you are flexible and creative you could help out with proposals how they can solve the problem themselves.

Just to give a sample: When somebody feels disturbed by you being too noisy while there is at least one door (of office or bedroom) that can be closed, you could suggest to close the door when that somebody wants to have silence.

Another sample: When discussing a concept for a project with a customer there might be requests that are complicated to implement, but with a small change in the customers processes the whole project could be a lot easier to implement (and therefore also gets cheaper).

The point is: When others request solutions from you (and they can be very persistent in requesting that you solve the problem), you can sometimes solve the problem simply by pointing out how they could solve the problem easily.

So you solved the problem without retreating yourself which also means that you can handle the problem as solved. It is not an open issue for you any more.

Related posts: Between GTD and GHE, The time bandits, Efficient meetings, Stop the service, Stake your claim, Let'em wait, Scoundrel days.

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