During the last months I have seen the effects of dementia - happening to my father in law. We had really good and very funny days. Not only that he cannot remember those days any more, communication can be really a challenge when everything is forgotten in less than a minute.
An interesting and important fact I learned dealing with this situation: The content of any dialog is forgotten pretty soon - but the emotions are remembered way longer!
Not in the same extreme way, but I do notice also in many other situations:
Arguments are ignored or forgotten quite easily, but the feelings, the emotions and the whole mental situation is burned into people's mind quite easily.
So in reality when communicating with other people you should pay more attention at the sensation you are creating than on the content.
You will see, people are not as rational as you believed....
Related post: Emotion and sensation, There is suffering, 6 triggers of bad actions, The wise talk less.
2013-03-09
2013-03-08
The value of rest and review
I remember a time when my days were less full of action and todos. One habit I had back then was to sit down for about an hour and review the day.
I miss that opportunity to learn each day everything that can be learned from that day. How you look at people when they are telling you something or how you respond; what decisions you take and even what you are ignoring - there is so much that can be improved. But without reflection the chance is so high to make the same mistake a hundred times before even getting aware of a problem.
More than a year of very intensive work has been passed by running at full power and I can't even recall most things that happened.
When running at full speed for too long a few things happen:
In extreme situations only the habits and philosophies remain that are very well established and implemented.
On the other hand if you have a lot of time and can do everything slowly, you have more control of fine-tuning in everything you do - ranging from your big life-plan (if you have one) to the dialog with the cashier at the local coffee shop. You will be more present and everything will be of better quality. And when you review your day, you can think about situations where you could not get the best out of it and elaborate better approaches. While having enough rest and enough sleep you can even elaborate topics in your dreams.
Related posts: Getting up early and quality, Distractions and sleep, Who cares?, Get focused with 3 questions.
I miss that opportunity to learn each day everything that can be learned from that day. How you look at people when they are telling you something or how you respond; what decisions you take and even what you are ignoring - there is so much that can be improved. But without reflection the chance is so high to make the same mistake a hundred times before even getting aware of a problem.
More than a year of very intensive work has been passed by running at full power and I can't even recall most things that happened.
When running at full speed for too long a few things happen:
- Efficiency and productivity is reduced because
- You get slower
- You get easier distracted
- Getting back to focus gets more difficult
- Frustration about the reduced productivity drags you down even more
- Trying to compensate by drinking more coffee and the like after a while that will just make you nervous but not more productive or simply doesn't work any more.
- Interests drop down sleeping and eating
- Fallback to old well-established core habits
- Health problems
- Headache
- Pain in the back
- Muscle tensions
- Muscle convulsions
- ...
In extreme situations only the habits and philosophies remain that are very well established and implemented.
On the other hand if you have a lot of time and can do everything slowly, you have more control of fine-tuning in everything you do - ranging from your big life-plan (if you have one) to the dialog with the cashier at the local coffee shop. You will be more present and everything will be of better quality. And when you review your day, you can think about situations where you could not get the best out of it and elaborate better approaches. While having enough rest and enough sleep you can even elaborate topics in your dreams.
Related posts: Getting up early and quality, Distractions and sleep, Who cares?, Get focused with 3 questions.
2012-11-08
Relicty Mindsets
When I face a problem, I always start digging for the root problem - and - for the reason behind the whole problem branch I went down while searching for the root problem.
Well, this is nothing special and nothing new, pretty every psychologist does that with his/her patients.
What I understand now is: Searching for the reason of a problem is only relevant when the reason is still "alive" - if the source producing the problem is still "leaking".
Here is an example:
If you discover that you have a particular mindset that blocks you from being successful (such as "I am not strong enough, to do this or that" or "I am not intelligent enough for finishing university", ...), you might start digging how the hack you got to this prejudice or convintion.
The first question should be: Is this something old or is this mindset something that still gets fed by continuing (daily) experience?
After you got aware of a blocking mindset, you are already winning. If it is a relict of old times (maybe if you got punched by a stronger highschool peer or whatever) then you can be more efficient by not digging too much into the reasons. The reason is not that relevant any more if the reason has "fallen out" of your life already).
Well, this is nothing special and nothing new, pretty every psychologist does that with his/her patients.
What I understand now is: Searching for the reason of a problem is only relevant when the reason is still "alive" - if the source producing the problem is still "leaking".
Here is an example:
If you discover that you have a particular mindset that blocks you from being successful (such as "I am not strong enough, to do this or that" or "I am not intelligent enough for finishing university", ...), you might start digging how the hack you got to this prejudice or convintion.
The first question should be: Is this something old or is this mindset something that still gets fed by continuing (daily) experience?
After you got aware of a blocking mindset, you are already winning. If it is a relict of old times (maybe if you got punched by a stronger highschool peer or whatever) then you can be more efficient by not digging too much into the reasons. The reason is not that relevant any more if the reason has "fallen out" of your life already).
2012-09-11
The wise talk less
I cannot tell the origin of the quote "Imagine there is war and nobody is showing up", I heard it several times and in fact I do see war as one of the silliest actions, humans can do. My grandma told me a lot about the second world war, so I have got a few impressions from the time back then. But when I think of war I also think of litigation, quarrel and almost any form of aggressiveness between humans.
For me it is clear that I won't go somewhere to make war or go to someone because I want to litigate. But what comes to my mind more often lately is: What if the war comes to me?
Myagi (in the film Karate Kid) says: "Best defense ... not be there". I mentioned that earlier in the post "Best defense". As I also mentioned there that even being the most peaceful creature, sometimes it may necessary to fight - and - People are way too creative in seeing threats anywhere.
It is very easy to offend people and in fact people feel offended even if it was the last thing you desired. That's why it is so difficult to just make peace.
Lately I discussed this topic with my father and he said: "Even the most peaceful animal starts to fight if it feels cornered." While it is quite easy to get aware when you are physically pushed into a corner, from psychologic, economic or political viewpoint it might be not always easy to distinguish whether you are caught in a dead-end or not.
Even from a distant philosophical or ethical point of view avoiding the fight/quarrel/litigation - and by this accept an aggressor to get closer and overrun everybody else, is not a solution either. The tipping point here maybe is: "Don't avoid fight at any cost."
Fight or war should be however be the very, very last option. In most cases compasion and empathy are the better alternatives. And instead of destroying something it is better to construct something better (which will the worse cause to fade away itself).
Oh, by the way: I discovered, that the more you talk (or write ;-) ) the more you are at risk that somebody gets it wrong what you say and feel offended. Maybe that is a major reason why wise people usually talk less and only talk if they are asked. That way the risk of other people getting it wrong and be offended is reduced.
Related posts: Best defense, Stop war by stopping defense, Little respect, Dissolved aggressiveness, Stake your claim, What remains.
For me it is clear that I won't go somewhere to make war or go to someone because I want to litigate. But what comes to my mind more often lately is: What if the war comes to me?
Myagi (in the film Karate Kid) says: "Best defense ... not be there". I mentioned that earlier in the post "Best defense". As I also mentioned there that even being the most peaceful creature, sometimes it may necessary to fight - and - People are way too creative in seeing threats anywhere.
It is very easy to offend people and in fact people feel offended even if it was the last thing you desired. That's why it is so difficult to just make peace.
Lately I discussed this topic with my father and he said: "Even the most peaceful animal starts to fight if it feels cornered." While it is quite easy to get aware when you are physically pushed into a corner, from psychologic, economic or political viewpoint it might be not always easy to distinguish whether you are caught in a dead-end or not.
Even from a distant philosophical or ethical point of view avoiding the fight/quarrel/litigation - and by this accept an aggressor to get closer and overrun everybody else, is not a solution either. The tipping point here maybe is: "Don't avoid fight at any cost."
Fight or war should be however be the very, very last option. In most cases compasion and empathy are the better alternatives. And instead of destroying something it is better to construct something better (which will the worse cause to fade away itself).
Oh, by the way: I discovered, that the more you talk (or write ;-) ) the more you are at risk that somebody gets it wrong what you say and feel offended. Maybe that is a major reason why wise people usually talk less and only talk if they are asked. That way the risk of other people getting it wrong and be offended is reduced.
Related posts: Best defense, Stop war by stopping defense, Little respect, Dissolved aggressiveness, Stake your claim, What remains.
2012-09-05
Responsibility and decision
I usually do not have problems taking the responsibility but lately I discovered that I need to be more prudent before saying yes or accepting a new topic thrown at my desk.
I can see it more often lately that people or companies act in a very impertinent manner by discharging themselves from all kind of responsibilities. Basically whatever you buy or whatever service you consume - the full risk is always with you.
Yesterday I got an e-mail from the government asking for a document I needed to add to a proposition. They asked me to send it by fax and the disclaimer said that they are not responsible for any data loss while transmitting the data and that happens at my own risk.
The is one major thing you shouldn't accept: Getting the responsibility without getting the power to decide! - Don't accept a job or project when they don't let you decide but put the responsibility onto your shoulders. That is unfair!
The Debian folks (Debian is a Linux distribution) added a very interesting and true introduction text when you are attempting to run something with administrative account/permissions:
Very true...
Related posts: Prejudice vs economization, Work intelligently.
I can see it more often lately that people or companies act in a very impertinent manner by discharging themselves from all kind of responsibilities. Basically whatever you buy or whatever service you consume - the full risk is always with you.
Yesterday I got an e-mail from the government asking for a document I needed to add to a proposition. They asked me to send it by fax and the disclaimer said that they are not responsible for any data loss while transmitting the data and that happens at my own risk.
The is one major thing you shouldn't accept: Getting the responsibility without getting the power to decide! - Don't accept a job or project when they don't let you decide but put the responsibility onto your shoulders. That is unfair!
The Debian folks (Debian is a Linux distribution) added a very interesting and true introduction text when you are attempting to run something with administrative account/permissions:
We trust you have received the usual lecture from the local System Administrator. It usually boils down to these three things:
#1) Respect the privacy of others.
#2) Think before you type.
#3) With great power comes great responsibility.
Very true...
Related posts: Prejudice vs economization, Work intelligently.
2012-07-17
Controversal opinion on the 80-20-Rule
Some people tag me being a perfectionist. Reflecting this, I can see three reasons why perfectionism may make pretty good sense - and those three reasons sometimes make me go further than stopping at 80 % (see e. g. earlier post "When to give up"):
Related posts: When to give up, Information Overflow, Principles over Rules.
- The 20 % you are leaving out, ignoring or simply not further investigating are often causing 80 % of the troubles you are experiencing later.
The pareto principle (80-20-rule) is being applied to current status quo without doing risk analysis of the future and here is where this time management tool lacks. I have experienced so many times and spent so much time fighting with big problems caused by tiny flaws in algorithms, strategies or project plans that I learned to think twice before stopping a thing at 80 %.
- Nowadays many products or services are delivered at a quality level according to "good enough" standards.
Businesses survive today by offering the same product at better price or offering a better quality. If you cannot deliver at best price you must offer better quality. This means to go further than "just being good enough".
- Not to give up often is the key for outstanding results.
In my work following the 80-20 rules often is applied by following a different path. Mostly, first you try something in a way that would be the most effective, most performant and most elegant way. Then you face troubles, start workarounds and finally choose another way of implementing the desired working result - which of course - then lacks usability or performance. Looking around then you find yourself with results that others may deliver at same or lower price or work. My experience has been that in many cases I did not give up in getting the most elegant solution to work. That often payed off in the long-run only, but with the additional good feeling, that I did it right.
Related posts: When to give up, Information Overflow, Principles over Rules.
2012-04-16
Increase efficiency with less planning
My wife is planning master. Planning can increase efficiency in two ways:
So, too much planning can decrease your efficiency in two ways:
- When you have a plan you make big and small jobs fit together having less gaps where you loose time.
- Having a plan gives you the possibility to get prepared (have everything you need - and everything you might need).
So, too much planning can decrease your efficiency in two ways:
- Environment and situation may change obsoleting your planning partly or completely (again and again while you adapt).
- You cannot foresee everything and plan it in the optimum way. Let me give a simple example: While it might be perfectly ok, planning to clean the bathroom at 9, it might be better first to just keep in mind that there is the bathroom to be cleaned. During the day you might just find yourself waiting for a longer download to finish and in this moment remember that there is the bathroom task and fill the waiting gap with cleaning.
- Delay planning where chances are currently high, that things change until due time of the task.
- Leave space for some tasks to accidently fit in at the moment. Keep a todo-list for the tasks that could fit into some typical gaps (wait for the computer to finish a download, backup, copy, installation task; wait for the washing machine to finish; waiting for a train/bus; waiting for your wife/friend to help you with a bigger task).
2012-04-05
6 triggers of bad actions
Actions or spoken words that cause suffering may be nailed down to one of those 6 triggers or reasons:
Related posts: There is suffering, The most important things to know, What remains.
- Absence of appropriate (better) knowledge - or simply ignorance
- Attachment
- Jealousy
- Pride
- Anger
- Miserliness
Related posts: There is suffering, The most important things to know, What remains.
Emotion and Sensation
The problem: Difficulty to distinguish emotion and sensation.
I often have the impression that people tend to have difficulties distinguishing emotions from sensations. In the German language these difficulties have lead for emotion and sensation there is just one word ("Gefühl") and this leads people to put both into the same pot.
The reason: No explanation
In the first place both rise from the unconsciousness. There is no logic that leads to the emotion or sensation as a result. Hence you have nothing to value them - to decide whether they are good or bad / healthy or unhealthy.
The solution: Step back - wait
Just wait. Whenever there arrives a wave of inner activity, first just watch it. Emotions tend to go away faster than sensations. Sensations can live in a calm environment - when your brain and body is in peace. Emotions tend to create more activity in general. Emotions tell you about effects that hit your spirit, they should be taken as information on what feels good and what causes suffering. But Emotions should not be the decision-maker.
Related post: What remains.
I often have the impression that people tend to have difficulties distinguishing emotions from sensations. In the German language these difficulties have lead for emotion and sensation there is just one word ("Gefühl") and this leads people to put both into the same pot.
The reason: No explanation
In the first place both rise from the unconsciousness. There is no logic that leads to the emotion or sensation as a result. Hence you have nothing to value them - to decide whether they are good or bad / healthy or unhealthy.
The solution: Step back - wait
Just wait. Whenever there arrives a wave of inner activity, first just watch it. Emotions tend to go away faster than sensations. Sensations can live in a calm environment - when your brain and body is in peace. Emotions tend to create more activity in general. Emotions tell you about effects that hit your spirit, they should be taken as information on what feels good and what causes suffering. But Emotions should not be the decision-maker.
Related post: What remains.
2012-02-07
External success factors
2011 was a very work intensive year for me. After changing job I had to learn new products, get into already running projects which I didn't plan and there was much to do.
Basically I was facing
When experiencing problems the first for me always is to look at my own deficits - at the factors regarding my own person and my (missing) knowledge - with the intention to kill all the possible reasons of failure that I can control.
But by giving all your best, don't forget about the the factors that are relevant for success but are outside of your influence:
Don't forget that you might have or be able to develop the power to influence the thing, to motivate the people and to improve the organization! But be realistic and get aware of what you cannot change in the near future. Sometimes changing place is the better choice. Just make sure that it is not just you fleeing!
Related posts: Will to change is not enough, Reduce the stress factors.
Basically I was facing
- new products I was not familiar with
- new customers I was not familiar with
- new co-workers I didn't know
- running projects where the initial heads already left
When experiencing problems the first for me always is to look at my own deficits - at the factors regarding my own person and my (missing) knowledge - with the intention to kill all the possible reasons of failure that I can control.
But by giving all your best, don't forget about the the factors that are relevant for success but are outside of your influence:
- The thing (the subject you are dealing with - can be a product or a service, be it in the car manufacturing area, insurance, computer software or whatever).
- The people (your co-workers, typical customers, your boss, partners etc) - some say "it's all about the people" - which is basically true, but the people currently be involved are not always the initial inventors or initiators of the product or service. People know might have different ideas and plans. So you do not face only the people and their ideas know but also what others created before (the thing).
- The organization (company structure, organizational habits and rules etc) - wheather companies are small or big, they develop best practice solutions for their daily organizational issues and new market challenges.
Don't forget that you might have or be able to develop the power to influence the thing, to motivate the people and to improve the organization! But be realistic and get aware of what you cannot change in the near future. Sometimes changing place is the better choice. Just make sure that it is not just you fleeing!
Related posts: Will to change is not enough, Reduce the stress factors.
2011-11-29
Work intelligently
Today I read this phrase in a marketing sheet:
I phrased it earlier (in the The productivity trap) this way:
Or again in other words:
An old phrase also says: "Switch on your brain before you do something."
In the last weeks I have seen pretty good examples where people worked hard on solutions where the goal could have been achieved better and easier by thinking simpler and different.
Another phrase says: "It's lonely in the saddle since the horse died."
Related posts: The productivity trap, Dynamic activity, Get focused with 3 questions, Responsibility and decision.
"Many people work hard...
...the successful ones are the ones who work intelligently."
I phrased it earlier (in the The productivity trap) this way:
"WHAT to do and HOW to do is more important than the amount of things you achieve."
Or again in other words:
"It is not enough to work hard, it is important to work on the right thing in a good way."
An old phrase also says: "Switch on your brain before you do something."
In the last weeks I have seen pretty good examples where people worked hard on solutions where the goal could have been achieved better and easier by thinking simpler and different.
Another phrase says: "It's lonely in the saddle since the horse died."
Related posts: The productivity trap, Dynamic activity, Get focused with 3 questions, Responsibility and decision.
2011-11-08
Living on others costs
Whenever I stand in front of my brother's grave I get reminded about the fact that I would have never met my wife if he would still be around.
I don't know if I would have married anyway and whom. And if I would have had the two wonderful children I do have now. Everything would be different I think.
What I also get reminded then in the next step is: Whenever people die, they make place for other life. And then I notice all the small things that are said and done harming others in one or the other way.
I think - in the same moment - of people getting exploited in their work and of people being psychological harmed for the sake or fun of somebody else.
We should remember that we do not have more permission to live than anybody else. I abominate people who just think of their own advantage, but dealing severely with myself, I can find myself also sometimes being egocentric.
There is overall equilibrium of life on this planet, just distribution of amount and quality varies from one corner of the world to another.
If I still would have my brother around, of course attention of my parents would be shared on us both. If he would have family probably we would see my parents less often to help us out looking after the children etc. - I must be thankful of the attention that I get and keep in mind, that whenever people are doing me a favor, they could have done for somebody else ... and maybe there would have been other people having a more serious and more urgent need for that attention...
I don't know if I would have married anyway and whom. And if I would have had the two wonderful children I do have now. Everything would be different I think.
What I also get reminded then in the next step is: Whenever people die, they make place for other life. And then I notice all the small things that are said and done harming others in one or the other way.
I think - in the same moment - of people getting exploited in their work and of people being psychological harmed for the sake or fun of somebody else.
We should remember that we do not have more permission to live than anybody else. I abominate people who just think of their own advantage, but dealing severely with myself, I can find myself also sometimes being egocentric.
There is overall equilibrium of life on this planet, just distribution of amount and quality varies from one corner of the world to another.
If I still would have my brother around, of course attention of my parents would be shared on us both. If he would have family probably we would see my parents less often to help us out looking after the children etc. - I must be thankful of the attention that I get and keep in mind, that whenever people are doing me a favor, they could have done for somebody else ... and maybe there would have been other people having a more serious and more urgent need for that attention...
2011-10-28
Prejudice vs economization
Today I got critics of being biased towards (or against) particular products.
I have to admit: Yes, I am biased!
In my job I get more than 200 news items each day (and I am pretty sure that this applies for many other jobs also as soon as you want to stay up-to-date).
Just an example: There are many notebook and pc vendors. Of course it applies for all vendors that there are series with problems from time to time. That does not mean that a particular vendor produces better products in general than another. If I decide to prefer one vendor over the other in general then of course I am biased.
But: I don't have the time to re-evaluate the market whenever somebody asks me, which computer to buy. When I bought the last notebook for myself I did a more detailed investigation and now I will go with the same recommendation. Maybe in one or two years I will re-evaluate the market. But it is not economical to do permanent re-evaluation. As economy, markets and vendors do not move that much in short time, decisions about vendors taken now will be most probably valid for the next few months. Product and service quality does not change from one day to the other.
The usual (and not the worst) reaction is: If you have bad experiences with a product you will change as fast as possible. On the other hand if you have good experiences with a product/vendor, you will keep and recommend it for the next few years probably. That is nothing other than "economical risk minimizing".
Related posts: People and information, Information overflow, Responsibility and decision.
I have to admit: Yes, I am biased!
In my job I get more than 200 news items each day (and I am pretty sure that this applies for many other jobs also as soon as you want to stay up-to-date).
I have to take decisions!
Just an example: There are many notebook and pc vendors. Of course it applies for all vendors that there are series with problems from time to time. That does not mean that a particular vendor produces better products in general than another. If I decide to prefer one vendor over the other in general then of course I am biased.
But: I don't have the time to re-evaluate the market whenever somebody asks me, which computer to buy. When I bought the last notebook for myself I did a more detailed investigation and now I will go with the same recommendation. Maybe in one or two years I will re-evaluate the market. But it is not economical to do permanent re-evaluation. As economy, markets and vendors do not move that much in short time, decisions about vendors taken now will be most probably valid for the next few months. Product and service quality does not change from one day to the other.
The usual (and not the worst) reaction is: If you have bad experiences with a product you will change as fast as possible. On the other hand if you have good experiences with a product/vendor, you will keep and recommend it for the next few years probably. That is nothing other than "economical risk minimizing".
It is ok to be biased! It is ok to ignore other vendors/products as soon as you have taken the relevant decisions and if things go well.
The point is to know about your bias and to re-evaluate from time to time as in the long run things around you and your requirements may change! You should not keep your decisions automatically forever!
Related posts: People and information, Information overflow, Responsibility and decision.
2011-09-27
Survival of the positive
Lately there is a lot of family stress. We have rented a grandma for almost a year but then a family member had serious health problems and she left us because it became too much for her. Within one or two weeks we were able to establish a relation with a new grandma (there is a "rent-a-grandma" service in our city). However after 3 weeks she got serious problems with health. - So again the need to search a new babysitter and get organized with additional stress as my wife started working again in september.
The problem: What I observed in the last days: I can try whatever to get everybody calm (wife, children), they are better in attaching the stress to me than I am in infecting with calm and mental balance.
What I don't get done even with hard work, can often be solved by 2 glass of wine ;-)
The Reason: It's easier to destroy, than to build; It is easier to distract than to focus and so on. Getting into a lasting balance is a product of hard exercise, experience and awareness.
The solution: Being in meditation condition (fully aware of the situations) cause fun and serenity - simply don't give up. But also develop empathy - understand the problems of others but don't make them your own problems!.
Related posts: Needs and meaning, Optimist meets pessimist, The power of intention, How to be happy.
The problem: What I observed in the last days: I can try whatever to get everybody calm (wife, children), they are better in attaching the stress to me than I am in infecting with calm and mental balance.
What I don't get done even with hard work, can often be solved by 2 glass of wine ;-)
The Reason: It's easier to destroy, than to build; It is easier to distract than to focus and so on. Getting into a lasting balance is a product of hard exercise, experience and awareness.
The solution: Being in meditation condition (fully aware of the situations) cause fun and serenity - simply don't give up. But also develop empathy - understand the problems of others but don't make them your own problems!.
Related posts: Needs and meaning, Optimist meets pessimist, The power of intention, How to be happy.
The private thing
Working in IT business I do get involved into discussions about online privacy quite often.
At first I had the opinion that nobody needs to publish private information and hence I could not really see a privacy problem. The rule is simple: Just don't post stuff on the web which you consider to be private.
After my last discussion about this topic I have to revise my opinion a little: There is information about you that you cannot fully control. In former times people were talking about you on the street and spreading the word that way. Nowadays they do it on Facebook. Apart from a probably larger audience, there is no difference. In many cases you cannot control defamation - or even you don't notice. But that is the more problematic part! Whatever you do, people add their own interpretations and speculations. You "share" information most of the time!
Basically your life is not private. It's just a few moments that are really private - where no information is shared. I was about to think about sitting on the toilet - but with two small children even this is an exception. ;-)
With or without your actions, you publish at least a part of yourself (including non-verbal communication). Other people add their interpretations and speculations and maybe tell those to others. In most cases you cannot really do anything about it and simply have to accept.
At first I had the opinion that nobody needs to publish private information and hence I could not really see a privacy problem. The rule is simple: Just don't post stuff on the web which you consider to be private.
After my last discussion about this topic I have to revise my opinion a little: There is information about you that you cannot fully control. In former times people were talking about you on the street and spreading the word that way. Nowadays they do it on Facebook. Apart from a probably larger audience, there is no difference. In many cases you cannot control defamation - or even you don't notice. But that is the more problematic part! Whatever you do, people add their own interpretations and speculations. You "share" information most of the time!
Basically your life is not private. It's just a few moments that are really private - where no information is shared. I was about to think about sitting on the toilet - but with two small children even this is an exception. ;-)
With or without your actions, you publish at least a part of yourself (including non-verbal communication). Other people add their interpretations and speculations and maybe tell those to others. In most cases you cannot really do anything about it and simply have to accept.
2011-09-12
Be thankful in the small
Today I had a lot of troubles due technical problems, but also due to strange concepts of people and strange implementations.
I was angry because I was not able to get my top priority work done for today and even arrived home late - my wife was angry too...
I was angry about all the people causing trouble...
Then my wife told me that today many people have helped her and without asking people have taken over and finished work for her. Wow! Can't say, that I had a lot of these experiences. In most cases I feel quite alone with my problem. That said, I began to re-think my day. Isn't it possible that I got some little help which I didn't either notice?
And yes, I found at least 4 cases of little or even medium sized help today. Not in all cases I said "Thank you".
And we really need every little helping hand!
And for those who did not really help you - thank good, that they didn't sabotage you! And for those who did sabotage you, thank them, that they didn't do either worse and kept a little rest of good-will!
I was angry because I was not able to get my top priority work done for today and even arrived home late - my wife was angry too...
I was angry about all the people causing trouble...
Then my wife told me that today many people have helped her and without asking people have taken over and finished work for her. Wow! Can't say, that I had a lot of these experiences. In most cases I feel quite alone with my problem. That said, I began to re-think my day. Isn't it possible that I got some little help which I didn't either notice?
And yes, I found at least 4 cases of little or even medium sized help today. Not in all cases I said "Thank you".
And we really need every little helping hand!
And for those who did not really help you - thank good, that they didn't sabotage you! And for those who did sabotage you, thank them, that they didn't do either worse and kept a little rest of good-will!
2011-09-06
Minimum relaxing time
I am currently sitting in a Hotel room after a long working day.
I should go to sleep as I do need it. However, after a long working day, I cannot go immediately to sleep because I simply feel frustrated if I had a whole day of work and nothing else.
You should also remember: Keep at least 30 minutes every day of relaxing activity (or non-activity) at least before you go to sleep.
A few minutes just enjoying life...
I should go to sleep as I do need it. However, after a long working day, I cannot go immediately to sleep because I simply feel frustrated if I had a whole day of work and nothing else.
You should also remember: Keep at least 30 minutes every day of relaxing activity (or non-activity) at least before you go to sleep.
A few minutes just enjoying life...
2011-09-02
Be united
Lately I observed a larger group of children on a water playground.
Children were pumping water which flew down in a small river to a dam and later to a mill-wheel or the water could take a different way to another pump. To make the mill-wheel move, it was necessary to impound a certain amount of water.
The goal was set (by the children themselves) to make the mill-wheel move by the water. Basically there were 4 points of action:
Some wanted the dam to be closed and others wanted to see the water flowing, some wanted to play with the other pump and started to quarrel about how to put the switch. Although one had the great idea to put the switch in the middle so that half of the water went to both sides, there was always somebody who moved the switch trying to get all the water.
Does this remind you to something?
In large companies and larger projects you can observe the same as what I described above.
Children were pumping water which flew down in a small river to a dam and later to a mill-wheel or the water could take a different way to another pump. To make the mill-wheel move, it was necessary to impound a certain amount of water.
The goal was set (by the children themselves) to make the mill-wheel move by the water. Basically there were 4 points of action:
- Pump water
- Set a switch point to go to other pump or versus the mill-wheel
- dam (open or close)
- Mill-wheel
Major reasons:
- Uncoordinated action.
- Several group members following different directives / having different goals.
- Egoism and greed.
- Missing patience.
Some wanted the dam to be closed and others wanted to see the water flowing, some wanted to play with the other pump and started to quarrel about how to put the switch. Although one had the great idea to put the switch in the middle so that half of the water went to both sides, there was always somebody who moved the switch trying to get all the water.
Does this remind you to something?
When they are adults, their brains are developed enough to handle more complex situations but the basic behaviour will not change.
In large companies and larger projects you can observe the same as what I described above.
How to get over this:
- Have clear responsibilities. The less people working on the same thing the better.
- Split into smaller groups/teams where continuous alignment of directives and goals is possible.
- The character and philosophy of the people working together, is important because their personal goals derive from that. So discuss strategies to get a team where everybody is convinced about the decisions.
- In the long-run you should satisfy the need of all parties/customers/partners, so they can trust you to solve their issues. That is the challenge of a team leader...
- Withdraw stress wherever possible. The stressed person will concentrate on self and develop egoistic inner directives.
2011-06-27
Television
As my wife and children are currently still in vacation my evenings are quite calm.
I thought, after a week of vacation I will use the evenings to get a lot of things done that cry for getting done in a few calm hours. Actually with all that silence I got quite tired and my soul and spirit dropped off for distraction. So I landed in front of the TV in the later evenings.
It has been quite a long time that I had time to watch TV. What I noticed is that after watching about 2 hours TV (some CSI like series) afterwards I felt bad - I had the impression that I just burnt 2 hours of my precious time. Two unrecoverable expensive hours. Horrible!
Two days later I landed again in front of the TV - approximately for the same time. But I watched two episodes of Star Trek Next Generation. Impression afterwards was different. Although I somehow thought that I could have made more from that time, I felt much better than the other day.
Investigating the situation I found that I got some interesting new viewpoints from watching the Star Trek episodes. The other day I went to bed frustrated about the all negative (and IMHO unrealistic) stuff (crazy people murdering in crazy ways). That time I went to bed thinking in a gentle way about some aspects of my world. And it made me think of my loved wife and children so that I sent them a miss-you-message before falling asleep.
I tell you this for one single reason: TV is not vasting time in general. You must carefully choose what you watch! - Choose to watch what is good for you!
It does not mean that you may not watch action movies - no - I learned a lot from several action movies (yes, sometimes just one or two very relevant sentences - however) - it depends on how you look at them. But of course, by tendency there are other movies where you can learn more from... - Star Trek is a special thing - I find it full of philosophy and I used to watch it a lot in former, former times. I would say, Star Trek did influence my viewpoints a lot (see links below for example)! Who did not watch it - you missed something! But remember to look at the philosophic and moral elements rather than on the action elements.
Related posts: The resource problem, The main purpose, What to learn from the Borg
I thought, after a week of vacation I will use the evenings to get a lot of things done that cry for getting done in a few calm hours. Actually with all that silence I got quite tired and my soul and spirit dropped off for distraction. So I landed in front of the TV in the later evenings.
It has been quite a long time that I had time to watch TV. What I noticed is that after watching about 2 hours TV (some CSI like series) afterwards I felt bad - I had the impression that I just burnt 2 hours of my precious time. Two unrecoverable expensive hours. Horrible!
Two days later I landed again in front of the TV - approximately for the same time. But I watched two episodes of Star Trek Next Generation. Impression afterwards was different. Although I somehow thought that I could have made more from that time, I felt much better than the other day.
Investigating the situation I found that I got some interesting new viewpoints from watching the Star Trek episodes. The other day I went to bed frustrated about the all negative (and IMHO unrealistic) stuff (crazy people murdering in crazy ways). That time I went to bed thinking in a gentle way about some aspects of my world. And it made me think of my loved wife and children so that I sent them a miss-you-message before falling asleep.
I tell you this for one single reason: TV is not vasting time in general. You must carefully choose what you watch! - Choose to watch what is good for you!
It does not mean that you may not watch action movies - no - I learned a lot from several action movies (yes, sometimes just one or two very relevant sentences - however) - it depends on how you look at them. But of course, by tendency there are other movies where you can learn more from... - Star Trek is a special thing - I find it full of philosophy and I used to watch it a lot in former, former times. I would say, Star Trek did influence my viewpoints a lot (see links below for example)! Who did not watch it - you missed something! But remember to look at the philosophic and moral elements rather than on the action elements.
Related posts: The resource problem, The main purpose, What to learn from the Borg
2011-05-30
Invest a minute to review an advice
Yesterday we were at a playground for children when I saw a father putting his little girl to empty her bowels right there on the playground. And even a second time a few minutes later. I walked there asking kindly to do this in the WC in the restaurant 100 meters away or at least behind one of the plenty trees right next to the playground. Guess what: I got badmouthed. - ...well, I could have guessed such behaviour to fit to piggy person like this.
This was somehow the peak of a general sad "hype" that I notice more often lately: People are doing wrong, get advised or others try to help but those people are heavily resistant to insight and refuse any chance to improve (a situation or themselves as a whole).
Is it so hard to even just review an advice kindly given? - In most cases I experience, people are building up walls and raise their weapons for self defence in an instant without even thinking 30 seconds, if the other person's thought could be worth appliance/implementation.
In communication science they tell you that in written form a lot of elements get lost and it is always better to communicate face-to-face. I say, face-to-face is not always the best way because when people are alone, hidden behind their laptops or in their beds, they are more likely to spend a minute on self reflection or review their thoughts of the day.
This was somehow the peak of a general sad "hype" that I notice more often lately: People are doing wrong, get advised or others try to help but those people are heavily resistant to insight and refuse any chance to improve (a situation or themselves as a whole).
Is it so hard to even just review an advice kindly given? - In most cases I experience, people are building up walls and raise their weapons for self defence in an instant without even thinking 30 seconds, if the other person's thought could be worth appliance/implementation.
In communication science they tell you that in written form a lot of elements get lost and it is always better to communicate face-to-face. I say, face-to-face is not always the best way because when people are alone, hidden behind their laptops or in their beds, they are more likely to spend a minute on self reflection or review their thoughts of the day.
When you get critics, think of the chance to improve! Others who have given up on you, won't bother to correct you, they just stopped to cope with you. Those who criticize you, are still interested in you and want to socialize with you!
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