The problem: Indecision, doubt, confusion, new challenges
Whenever we leave the comfort zone, think about new strategies, want to break old habits etc, it often happens that your thoughts go in circles for a long while. In the end you often end up confused and choose to procrastinate the topic.
The reason: Uncoordinated thinking
Even if you are not schizophrenic there are different voices inside of you that want to be heard and this is completely normal. They are caused by coincidence of priorities, principles, strategies, different needs and so on - multiplied by the different roles that you play (e.g. as an employee, father or mother, husband or wife, son or daughter or a role in your hobby club). It is not always easy to get everything done without conflicts caused by the different resulting interests.
The solution: Team meeting with yourself
Organize a team meeting with your inner voices. Depending on your preferences you can imagine different locations and styles. I prefer the following imagination: A court-like "arena" where in the front there is the judge which I prefer to call "the moderator". Now for every thought that comes up imagine, that a person in the arena or meeting room stands up and speaks. Always only one person should speak and the very important here is that you should put your thought in clear phrases and name the person that stands up by its role. Possible roles are for instance "the architect (of your life)", "the pessimist" (or I prefer to name this person "the critic"), "the controller", "the (master) builder", "the strategist", "the futurist" or whatever fits. Let the different voices tell their concerns and let the judge or moderator be the mediator of the discussion. You may find that some roles do speak more and other speak less and some roles do more often start the discussion which is already interesting to observe. It shows your dominating parts of your personality. You may also discover personal priorities you were not aware of before. But apart from that, the core purpose of the discussion is the communication between the different voices. You will wonder how often it is possible to find solutions that all or at least most of your voices can live with or how often consens can be found.
Related posts: Focus by decision, Information overflow, Razor sharp focus.
2014-01-06
2014-01-03
Primary motivator
When you see people's intellect fading away due to dementia, when brain is loosing control and cultivated manners do not cover primary impulses any more then you see that fear is a very primary motivating factor.
But fear is very present in our every-day decisions - not only when the brain is loosing control. If you look behind some of your core priorities and decisions, you may find that a lot of your actions are intended to increase an inner feeling of safety. Or, when you investigate some of your first reactions on other people's arguments in discussions, you may detect yourself feeling attacked. The common root is fear/anxiety. The two core options inherited from our very past when fear comes up is to attack or flee.
But:
Related posts: Your situation does not suck, The fear, About habits, Plan to get fear done, Something more important, Spam critics, The present moment.
But fear is very present in our every-day decisions - not only when the brain is loosing control. If you look behind some of your core priorities and decisions, you may find that a lot of your actions are intended to increase an inner feeling of safety. Or, when you investigate some of your first reactions on other people's arguments in discussions, you may detect yourself feeling attacked. The common root is fear/anxiety. The two core options inherited from our very past when fear comes up is to attack or flee.
But:
- In modern times there are a lot of options between those two extreme reactions. (taking it with humor is a great one).
- You are not alone with your fear. Guess what: Person's attacking you (verbal, nonverbal or physically) may fear you more than you fear them! The best strategy might be, assuring the others that you are coming in peace.
- Fear and the instinctive reactions are good advisors in situations of imminent danger (for physical health - e.g. when face-to-face with a saber-toothed tiger), but not in most common daily situations (e.g. in meetings, negotiations, when having discussions with friends or family members etc).
- The power of others often is overestimated while the own power is underestimated. In many cases where you might experience fear, there is no reason for it.
Related posts: Your situation does not suck, The fear, About habits, Plan to get fear done, Something more important, Spam critics, The present moment.
2013-12-27
Considerations on decisions
Investigating situations where precious time is lost, I often find decisions being a core issue. Although we are taking decisions quickly and on a daily basis (many of them even automatically without being really aware of them) some of those can evolve to a very time consuming process.
Very often when we are in a dilemma we only think of this or that (black or white) and that's one of the mistakes. In many cases there are more options available than you might think of in the first place.
A second mistake lies in the effective time when the decision needs to be taken. While some people tend to delay a decision as long as possible (missing the best opportunities), others decide too early when not enough information is available or too few options have been elaborated yet.
So when a situation is evolving to a point of decision think of the following:
Very often when we are in a dilemma we only think of this or that (black or white) and that's one of the mistakes. In many cases there are more options available than you might think of in the first place.
A second mistake lies in the effective time when the decision needs to be taken. While some people tend to delay a decision as long as possible (missing the best opportunities), others decide too early when not enough information is available or too few options have been elaborated yet.
So when a situation is evolving to a point of decision think of the following:
- Enough options elaborated? - Having only one option is dangerous (to do something or do not already requires a decision). If other people are involved then think of what their needs may be and try to find a win-win-solution.
An example: I remember that my father sometimes had to go to the office on weekends but he also wanted to spend time with me. Well, he took me with him and showed me his working place. I remember quality time with my father when he showed me the big computer there and I was very impressed - and it made me choose my profession.
- Is it the right/best time to make the decision? - Did you gather enough information yet, that allows to make serious and good decision? Do you really need to take that decision NOW?
An example: Buying a new computer or car. First thing to be aware of is: Do you really need to buy it NOW (is your old broken or not)? How much time for evaluation would be adequate for the size of the investment? Are you on top of the information? If you are in car or computer business respectively then the time for gathering information will be much shorter, otherwise you should maybe consult a friend who is.
- Do you really need to choose? Is there really a decision required? Sometimes you do not need to choose one thing over another as occasionally
you can get both. Be aware of options that may get you both!
Example: If you like black and also like white what about buying a shirt that has black and white stripes?
- (Re)think your core principles, values and priorities. When you find yourself often in dilemmas of the same type, you might improve the decision process by reviewing your core life principles, your core values or your (current) priorities.
An example: A long time ago I often fought with myself to do something fast or good. I finally decided (of course after suffering a lot from consequences) to go for quality and prefer quality over fast results. Now many decisions of that kind are taken automatically in my subconscious part of the brain. Of course that might not always be the optimum way and I do also choose the quick fix from time to time. But wherever a fast decision process is needed the gut feeling will tend towards your core values, priorities and principles.
2013-12-25
Your situation does not suck
When you read this I assume, your brain and your heart is working. That's awesome! You can be glad!
A few months ago I listened to the audio version of the book "Tuesdays with Morrie" written by Mitch Albom.
By accident I began to search the internet afterwards and found out, that this is a real true story - see details here:
What they have in common is: They did not give up and made the best out of situations that really suck.
Why all that now? It's because of my father in law. He suffers from Pick's disease. The big difference in his case is: It's his intellectual abilities that get reduced, disconnected and are switching off. He cannot teach me as Morrie taught Mitch. His illness hasn't been discovered in it's beginning, which is typical for this disease. Currently the situation is already very bad. Verbal communication is not really possible any more. I have to listen more carefully, don't listen to words, but listen to emotions and to non-verbal communication (such as eye-contact). His luck is, that he had a life before the illness (he arrived at 80 some days ago). But anyway, thinking of such a situation - loosing control of your own mind and even your essential core functions (writing, speaking or even swallowing reflex for example) is horrible. Even your core vital functions are controlled by your brain. Without your brain working properly you can hardly make the best out of your situation. As long as your heart and your brain is working, be happy!
Although the very reduced life quality in his current status of the illness, I could still see some moments where he seems to enjoy life. Where intellect is fading away, there is still emotion and sensation. I have accepted the situation and instead of joking with him (we were joking a lot when he was still in full health a few years ago) I held his hand or let him pull my nose (for whatever reason he liked that).
In the 35-minute-video above of Mitch Albom, he says that what for you is the most important in your last hours of life should also be the most important right now. But isn't there something wrong with this thought? I am pretty sure, if I would know that I will die tomorrow, I would not go to work any more and stay with my family concentrating on them. However, staying with my family, playing with the children all the day, would mean - after a few months - that: Several bills are not paid any more, things will break and not being repaired, we would loose social contact to other people. So acting as it would be your last day is - oh wonder - not a good long-term plan! You need to find a healthy balance!
If you would know the future you could take better suitable decisions now. Without the information you need to consider several possible futures!
No again, rethink the sentence: "What for you is the most important in your last hours of life should be the most important right now." It does not imply that you should ONLY do what is important in your last hours of life. The sentence talks about priorities! FIRST do the important things.
I give you an example from right now: I was writing this article while the children were playing. A few minutes ago my 4-year old son came in and talked to me. He explained to me how he solved the quarrel with his older brother. That was the trigger to immediately switch attention, hug him, tell him how well he did. After 30 seconds of this positive feedback he already had enough and wanted to continue playing alone. Time to continue writing.
However, to find a healthy balance, it helps a lot being aware of the core needs of human being. And this is, what I can still learn from my father in law.
Related posts: Living your opportunities, Simple Life, How to be happy, Between GTD and GHE, Primary motivator.
A few months ago I listened to the audio version of the book "Tuesdays with Morrie" written by Mitch Albom.
By accident I began to search the internet afterwards and found out, that this is a real true story - see details here:
- Morrie Schwartz
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morrie_Schwartz
- Mitch Albom: Making Each Moment Matter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gr0COGuAA4U
- Mitch Albom: '07 Speech - 35 min. clip
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuazNYNIl5c
- Morrie Schwartz with Ted Koppel
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL47AF4D5336C4B491
What they have in common is: They did not give up and made the best out of situations that really suck.
Why all that now? It's because of my father in law. He suffers from Pick's disease. The big difference in his case is: It's his intellectual abilities that get reduced, disconnected and are switching off. He cannot teach me as Morrie taught Mitch. His illness hasn't been discovered in it's beginning, which is typical for this disease. Currently the situation is already very bad. Verbal communication is not really possible any more. I have to listen more carefully, don't listen to words, but listen to emotions and to non-verbal communication (such as eye-contact). His luck is, that he had a life before the illness (he arrived at 80 some days ago). But anyway, thinking of such a situation - loosing control of your own mind and even your essential core functions (writing, speaking or even swallowing reflex for example) is horrible. Even your core vital functions are controlled by your brain. Without your brain working properly you can hardly make the best out of your situation. As long as your heart and your brain is working, be happy!
Although the very reduced life quality in his current status of the illness, I could still see some moments where he seems to enjoy life. Where intellect is fading away, there is still emotion and sensation. I have accepted the situation and instead of joking with him (we were joking a lot when he was still in full health a few years ago) I held his hand or let him pull my nose (for whatever reason he liked that).
In the 35-minute-video above of Mitch Albom, he says that what for you is the most important in your last hours of life should also be the most important right now. But isn't there something wrong with this thought? I am pretty sure, if I would know that I will die tomorrow, I would not go to work any more and stay with my family concentrating on them. However, staying with my family, playing with the children all the day, would mean - after a few months - that: Several bills are not paid any more, things will break and not being repaired, we would loose social contact to other people. So acting as it would be your last day is - oh wonder - not a good long-term plan! You need to find a healthy balance!
If you would know the future you could take better suitable decisions now. Without the information you need to consider several possible futures!
No again, rethink the sentence: "What for you is the most important in your last hours of life should be the most important right now." It does not imply that you should ONLY do what is important in your last hours of life. The sentence talks about priorities! FIRST do the important things.
I give you an example from right now: I was writing this article while the children were playing. A few minutes ago my 4-year old son came in and talked to me. He explained to me how he solved the quarrel with his older brother. That was the trigger to immediately switch attention, hug him, tell him how well he did. After 30 seconds of this positive feedback he already had enough and wanted to continue playing alone. Time to continue writing.
However, to find a healthy balance, it helps a lot being aware of the core needs of human being. And this is, what I can still learn from my father in law.
Related posts: Living your opportunities, Simple Life, How to be happy, Between GTD and GHE, Primary motivator.
2013-10-05
Learning from other's experiences
The problem: Learning from other people's experiences is difficult.
Even if you want to use every opportunity to learn, learning from other's experiences is far more difficult than learning from your own experiences. And there might be even a bunch of people who (full of love for you) insist in trying to help you in avoiding the same pitfalls they have fallen into.
The reason: Reliability of external information
If you feel inner resistance to fully incorporate other people's experiences then keep in mind that this is an automatic precaution feature inside of you and this is fully ok. Experience explained to you by others does not have the same quality that your own experience does. Learning from experience is learning about action or event and the resulting reaction or effect. During this learning process for each learned lesson the following are important parameters:
The solution: Take in all experiences and informations thankfully but prioritize.
Take external experience as repository for possibly valid "rules", but prefer your own in case of conflict. In some cases your own experience might be very outdated that a recent experience from somebody else might fit better with the current reality, but on the other hand the result might depend on the concrete person acting (as it would be when attending a beauty contest ;-) ).
There are two types of people when they raid you with their life lessons or good hints: Those who want to help you because they love you and those who are searching for attention and self-affirmation. You might feel resistance to the latter but keep in mind that listening to other's experiences does not force you to incorporate foreign life-lessons. Be thankful instead that they share their experience with you.
Even if you want to use every opportunity to learn, learning from other's experiences is far more difficult than learning from your own experiences. And there might be even a bunch of people who (full of love for you) insist in trying to help you in avoiding the same pitfalls they have fallen into.
The reason: Reliability of external information
If you feel inner resistance to fully incorporate other people's experiences then keep in mind that this is an automatic precaution feature inside of you and this is fully ok. Experience explained to you by others does not have the same quality that your own experience does. Learning from experience is learning about action or event and the resulting reaction or effect. During this learning process for each learned lesson the following are important parameters:
- Age of the experience (recent experiences are more relevant than older ones, and the older an experience the more details potentially get forgotten).
- Exact environment (you cannot expect - at least not always - the same result under different environments). Parts of the environment can be any sort of group (family, patients in a hospital, political groupings, ...), weather, physical location, country, personal situation or mood of present people, your own personal situation and mood...
- Exact action taken
- Other simultaneous actions taken by other people
- Time of result to take effect (this might be strongly relevant for the reliability of the conclusion).
- Exact result
- Side effects
- Interpretations (your own but also the interpretations of other people involved).
- Exact final conclusion
The solution: Take in all experiences and informations thankfully but prioritize.
Take external experience as repository for possibly valid "rules", but prefer your own in case of conflict. In some cases your own experience might be very outdated that a recent experience from somebody else might fit better with the current reality, but on the other hand the result might depend on the concrete person acting (as it would be when attending a beauty contest ;-) ).
There are two types of people when they raid you with their life lessons or good hints: Those who want to help you because they love you and those who are searching for attention and self-affirmation. You might feel resistance to the latter but keep in mind that listening to other's experiences does not force you to incorporate foreign life-lessons. Be thankful instead that they share their experience with you.
2013-06-03
Cost of substitution
Don't you sometimes wonder how it is possible that statistics talk about high unemployment rates and at the same time you read in the news that there is a shortage of experts?
Well, there are two reasons for this contradiction:
In our consumer society, employees also tend to be consumed and companies do believe the newspapers when they write of high unemployment rates. They might think that there is enough human resource left, not considering that they cannot fit the high expectations.
But let's assume, a company needs a new worker, what are the required tasks?
Yes, everybody can be replaced somehow, but every replacement required, will cost time and money! To put those costs into effective numbers is difficult and that's why in many cases there is no awereness of the real impact of a staff change ("what cannot be put into numbers, cannot be controlled"...).
Now that we talked about people you can apply this to material, machines, software modules, technologies or structures accordingly.
The best strategy therefore is:
Well, there are two reasons for this contradiction:
- What they don't say in the news: There is a lack of cheap experts. Companies are searching for people who work for a banana and wonder that the only candidates showing up, are apes.
- Companies always try to achieve more with less people. This implies that you need good people because only the best and most efficient workers can achieve more than most of the others. So many workers available but not matching the high performance requirements. But even if the best workers out there achieve more, nobody can run on 150 % for years. So often workers are "consumed" in the long run. You can work at full power and full speed for some months, maybe for a few years, but there are mental impacts and impacts on motivation and health. At the final end when your energy is exhausted you will further be criticized for your decreasing performance. So the already low number of very good people available is also decreased by those who end up with burnout and by those who take their own lifes.
In our consumer society, employees also tend to be consumed and companies do believe the newspapers when they write of high unemployment rates. They might think that there is enough human resource left, not considering that they cannot fit the high expectations.
But let's assume, a company needs a new worker, what are the required tasks?
- Prepare a job description
- Outsource hunting for appliers or do it on your own
- Make final interviews (or more if you do hunting on your own)
- Prepare contract
- Some other administrative work (preparing clothes, creating user accounts, print business cards, ...)
- Send new employee to courses or have a peer explaining everything
- Accompany employee in the first few weeks (e.g. by introducing to new clients and projects, ...)
- Wait until new employee has adapted to new situations and finaly reaches performance of the previous employee
Yes, everybody can be replaced somehow, but every replacement required, will cost time and money! To put those costs into effective numbers is difficult and that's why in many cases there is no awereness of the real impact of a staff change ("what cannot be put into numbers, cannot be controlled"...).
Now that we talked about people you can apply this to material, machines, software modules, technologies or structures accordingly.
The best strategy therefore is:
- Choose wisely your workers etc
- Do the required maintenance work (motivation etc)
- Don't consume them
2013-04-26
The fool gives way without borders
An old proverb says: The intelligent gives in. This is why idiocy rules the world.
Maybe the reason behind this are the wise words of Bertrand Russell, "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts."
I find it to be better for the whole mankind when people solve problems without wasting resources (of any kind). Destroying helpful things or harming people may just produce suffering. So it might definitely not be foolish to give way, as it might still be the second best solution for a problem when the best solution - finding a solution by discussing the problem and finding the logically best solution - cannot be found. When there is a conflict and one party is not willing to make compromises, it is still the more intelligent solution for the other party to give in instead of wasting resources by creating a war (of any type).
War (of any type, be it "just" a legal war, a quarrel or a real war) is wasting energy and resources and in best case it is the third best solution for a problem.
However, raising this rule to the top rule in any case, creates room for the rude and primitive "caveman" behaviour. And here it comes back to idiocy ruling the world.
But this reminds me to the Borg and Star Trek film "First Contact":
Giving in always and forever without setting borders is nearly equivalent to self destruction!
While I like the idea of Myagi, that best defense is not be there (where the hammer hits ;-) ), other than in space, here on earth there is not always much space where to move to be out of the "attack zone".
Related posts: Best defense, There is suffering, The most important things to know, The main purpose, Dissolved aggressiveness.
Maybe the reason behind this are the wise words of Bertrand Russell, "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts."
I find it to be better for the whole mankind when people solve problems without wasting resources (of any kind). Destroying helpful things or harming people may just produce suffering. So it might definitely not be foolish to give way, as it might still be the second best solution for a problem when the best solution - finding a solution by discussing the problem and finding the logically best solution - cannot be found. When there is a conflict and one party is not willing to make compromises, it is still the more intelligent solution for the other party to give in instead of wasting resources by creating a war (of any type).
War (of any type, be it "just" a legal war, a quarrel or a real war) is wasting energy and resources and in best case it is the third best solution for a problem.
However, raising this rule to the top rule in any case, creates room for the rude and primitive "caveman" behaviour. And here it comes back to idiocy ruling the world.
But this reminds me to the Borg and Star Trek film "First Contact":
Giving in always and forever without setting borders is nearly equivalent to self destruction!
While I like the idea of Myagi, that best defense is not be there (where the hammer hits ;-) ), other than in space, here on earth there is not always much space where to move to be out of the "attack zone".
Related posts: Best defense, There is suffering, The most important things to know, The main purpose, Dissolved aggressiveness.
2013-03-09
What remains
During the last months I have seen the effects of dementia - happening to my father in law. We had really good and very funny days. Not only that he cannot remember those days any more, communication can be really a challenge when everything is forgotten in less than a minute.
An interesting and important fact I learned dealing with this situation: The content of any dialog is forgotten pretty soon - but the emotions are remembered way longer!
Not in the same extreme way, but I do notice also in many other situations:
Arguments are ignored or forgotten quite easily, but the feelings, the emotions and the whole mental situation is burned into people's mind quite easily.
So in reality when communicating with other people you should pay more attention at the sensation you are creating than on the content.
You will see, people are not as rational as you believed....
Related post: Emotion and sensation, There is suffering, 6 triggers of bad actions, The wise talk less.
An interesting and important fact I learned dealing with this situation: The content of any dialog is forgotten pretty soon - but the emotions are remembered way longer!
Not in the same extreme way, but I do notice also in many other situations:
Arguments are ignored or forgotten quite easily, but the feelings, the emotions and the whole mental situation is burned into people's mind quite easily.
So in reality when communicating with other people you should pay more attention at the sensation you are creating than on the content.
You will see, people are not as rational as you believed....
Related post: Emotion and sensation, There is suffering, 6 triggers of bad actions, The wise talk less.
2013-03-08
The value of rest and review
I remember a time when my days were less full of action and todos. One habit I had back then was to sit down for about an hour and review the day.
I miss that opportunity to learn each day everything that can be learned from that day. How you look at people when they are telling you something or how you respond; what decisions you take and even what you are ignoring - there is so much that can be improved. But without reflection the chance is so high to make the same mistake a hundred times before even getting aware of a problem.
More than a year of very intensive work has been passed by running at full power and I can't even recall most things that happened.
When running at full speed for too long a few things happen:
In extreme situations only the habits and philosophies remain that are very well established and implemented.
On the other hand if you have a lot of time and can do everything slowly, you have more control of fine-tuning in everything you do - ranging from your big life-plan (if you have one) to the dialog with the cashier at the local coffee shop. You will be more present and everything will be of better quality. And when you review your day, you can think about situations where you could not get the best out of it and elaborate better approaches. While having enough rest and enough sleep you can even elaborate topics in your dreams.
Related posts: Getting up early and quality, Distractions and sleep, Who cares?, Get focused with 3 questions.
I miss that opportunity to learn each day everything that can be learned from that day. How you look at people when they are telling you something or how you respond; what decisions you take and even what you are ignoring - there is so much that can be improved. But without reflection the chance is so high to make the same mistake a hundred times before even getting aware of a problem.
More than a year of very intensive work has been passed by running at full power and I can't even recall most things that happened.
When running at full speed for too long a few things happen:
- Efficiency and productivity is reduced because
- You get slower
- You get easier distracted
- Getting back to focus gets more difficult
- Frustration about the reduced productivity drags you down even more
- Trying to compensate by drinking more coffee and the like after a while that will just make you nervous but not more productive or simply doesn't work any more.
- Interests drop down sleeping and eating
- Fallback to old well-established core habits
- Health problems
- Headache
- Pain in the back
- Muscle tensions
- Muscle convulsions
- ...
In extreme situations only the habits and philosophies remain that are very well established and implemented.
On the other hand if you have a lot of time and can do everything slowly, you have more control of fine-tuning in everything you do - ranging from your big life-plan (if you have one) to the dialog with the cashier at the local coffee shop. You will be more present and everything will be of better quality. And when you review your day, you can think about situations where you could not get the best out of it and elaborate better approaches. While having enough rest and enough sleep you can even elaborate topics in your dreams.
Related posts: Getting up early and quality, Distractions and sleep, Who cares?, Get focused with 3 questions.
2012-11-08
Relicty Mindsets
When I face a problem, I always start digging for the root problem - and - for the reason behind the whole problem branch I went down while searching for the root problem.
Well, this is nothing special and nothing new, pretty every psychologist does that with his/her patients.
What I understand now is: Searching for the reason of a problem is only relevant when the reason is still "alive" - if the source producing the problem is still "leaking".
Here is an example:
If you discover that you have a particular mindset that blocks you from being successful (such as "I am not strong enough, to do this or that" or "I am not intelligent enough for finishing university", ...), you might start digging how the hack you got to this prejudice or convintion.
The first question should be: Is this something old or is this mindset something that still gets fed by continuing (daily) experience?
After you got aware of a blocking mindset, you are already winning. If it is a relict of old times (maybe if you got punched by a stronger highschool peer or whatever) then you can be more efficient by not digging too much into the reasons. The reason is not that relevant any more if the reason has "fallen out" of your life already).
Well, this is nothing special and nothing new, pretty every psychologist does that with his/her patients.
What I understand now is: Searching for the reason of a problem is only relevant when the reason is still "alive" - if the source producing the problem is still "leaking".
Here is an example:
If you discover that you have a particular mindset that blocks you from being successful (such as "I am not strong enough, to do this or that" or "I am not intelligent enough for finishing university", ...), you might start digging how the hack you got to this prejudice or convintion.
The first question should be: Is this something old or is this mindset something that still gets fed by continuing (daily) experience?
After you got aware of a blocking mindset, you are already winning. If it is a relict of old times (maybe if you got punched by a stronger highschool peer or whatever) then you can be more efficient by not digging too much into the reasons. The reason is not that relevant any more if the reason has "fallen out" of your life already).
2012-09-11
The wise talk less
I cannot tell the origin of the quote "Imagine there is war and nobody is showing up", I heard it several times and in fact I do see war as one of the silliest actions, humans can do. My grandma told me a lot about the second world war, so I have got a few impressions from the time back then. But when I think of war I also think of litigation, quarrel and almost any form of aggressiveness between humans.
For me it is clear that I won't go somewhere to make war or go to someone because I want to litigate. But what comes to my mind more often lately is: What if the war comes to me?
Myagi (in the film Karate Kid) says: "Best defense ... not be there". I mentioned that earlier in the post "Best defense". As I also mentioned there that even being the most peaceful creature, sometimes it may necessary to fight - and - People are way too creative in seeing threats anywhere.
It is very easy to offend people and in fact people feel offended even if it was the last thing you desired. That's why it is so difficult to just make peace.
Lately I discussed this topic with my father and he said: "Even the most peaceful animal starts to fight if it feels cornered." While it is quite easy to get aware when you are physically pushed into a corner, from psychologic, economic or political viewpoint it might be not always easy to distinguish whether you are caught in a dead-end or not.
Even from a distant philosophical or ethical point of view avoiding the fight/quarrel/litigation - and by this accept an aggressor to get closer and overrun everybody else, is not a solution either. The tipping point here maybe is: "Don't avoid fight at any cost."
Fight or war should be however be the very, very last option. In most cases compasion and empathy are the better alternatives. And instead of destroying something it is better to construct something better (which will the worse cause to fade away itself).
Oh, by the way: I discovered, that the more you talk (or write ;-) ) the more you are at risk that somebody gets it wrong what you say and feel offended. Maybe that is a major reason why wise people usually talk less and only talk if they are asked. That way the risk of other people getting it wrong and be offended is reduced.
Related posts: Best defense, Stop war by stopping defense, Little respect, Dissolved aggressiveness, Stake your claim, What remains.
For me it is clear that I won't go somewhere to make war or go to someone because I want to litigate. But what comes to my mind more often lately is: What if the war comes to me?
Myagi (in the film Karate Kid) says: "Best defense ... not be there". I mentioned that earlier in the post "Best defense". As I also mentioned there that even being the most peaceful creature, sometimes it may necessary to fight - and - People are way too creative in seeing threats anywhere.
It is very easy to offend people and in fact people feel offended even if it was the last thing you desired. That's why it is so difficult to just make peace.
Lately I discussed this topic with my father and he said: "Even the most peaceful animal starts to fight if it feels cornered." While it is quite easy to get aware when you are physically pushed into a corner, from psychologic, economic or political viewpoint it might be not always easy to distinguish whether you are caught in a dead-end or not.
Even from a distant philosophical or ethical point of view avoiding the fight/quarrel/litigation - and by this accept an aggressor to get closer and overrun everybody else, is not a solution either. The tipping point here maybe is: "Don't avoid fight at any cost."
Fight or war should be however be the very, very last option. In most cases compasion and empathy are the better alternatives. And instead of destroying something it is better to construct something better (which will the worse cause to fade away itself).
Oh, by the way: I discovered, that the more you talk (or write ;-) ) the more you are at risk that somebody gets it wrong what you say and feel offended. Maybe that is a major reason why wise people usually talk less and only talk if they are asked. That way the risk of other people getting it wrong and be offended is reduced.
Related posts: Best defense, Stop war by stopping defense, Little respect, Dissolved aggressiveness, Stake your claim, What remains.
2012-09-05
Responsibility and decision
I usually do not have problems taking the responsibility but lately I discovered that I need to be more prudent before saying yes or accepting a new topic thrown at my desk.
I can see it more often lately that people or companies act in a very impertinent manner by discharging themselves from all kind of responsibilities. Basically whatever you buy or whatever service you consume - the full risk is always with you.
Yesterday I got an e-mail from the government asking for a document I needed to add to a proposition. They asked me to send it by fax and the disclaimer said that they are not responsible for any data loss while transmitting the data and that happens at my own risk.
The is one major thing you shouldn't accept: Getting the responsibility without getting the power to decide! - Don't accept a job or project when they don't let you decide but put the responsibility onto your shoulders. That is unfair!
The Debian folks (Debian is a Linux distribution) added a very interesting and true introduction text when you are attempting to run something with administrative account/permissions:
Very true...
Related posts: Prejudice vs economization, Work intelligently.
I can see it more often lately that people or companies act in a very impertinent manner by discharging themselves from all kind of responsibilities. Basically whatever you buy or whatever service you consume - the full risk is always with you.
Yesterday I got an e-mail from the government asking for a document I needed to add to a proposition. They asked me to send it by fax and the disclaimer said that they are not responsible for any data loss while transmitting the data and that happens at my own risk.
The is one major thing you shouldn't accept: Getting the responsibility without getting the power to decide! - Don't accept a job or project when they don't let you decide but put the responsibility onto your shoulders. That is unfair!
The Debian folks (Debian is a Linux distribution) added a very interesting and true introduction text when you are attempting to run something with administrative account/permissions:
We trust you have received the usual lecture from the local System Administrator. It usually boils down to these three things:
#1) Respect the privacy of others.
#2) Think before you type.
#3) With great power comes great responsibility.
Very true...
Related posts: Prejudice vs economization, Work intelligently.
2012-07-17
Controversal opinion on the 80-20-Rule
Some people tag me being a perfectionist. Reflecting this, I can see three reasons why perfectionism may make pretty good sense - and those three reasons sometimes make me go further than stopping at 80 % (see e. g. earlier post "When to give up"):
Related posts: When to give up, Information Overflow, Principles over Rules.
- The 20 % you are leaving out, ignoring or simply not further investigating are often causing 80 % of the troubles you are experiencing later.
The pareto principle (80-20-rule) is being applied to current status quo without doing risk analysis of the future and here is where this time management tool lacks. I have experienced so many times and spent so much time fighting with big problems caused by tiny flaws in algorithms, strategies or project plans that I learned to think twice before stopping a thing at 80 %.
- Nowadays many products or services are delivered at a quality level according to "good enough" standards.
Businesses survive today by offering the same product at better price or offering a better quality. If you cannot deliver at best price you must offer better quality. This means to go further than "just being good enough".
- Not to give up often is the key for outstanding results.
In my work following the 80-20 rules often is applied by following a different path. Mostly, first you try something in a way that would be the most effective, most performant and most elegant way. Then you face troubles, start workarounds and finally choose another way of implementing the desired working result - which of course - then lacks usability or performance. Looking around then you find yourself with results that others may deliver at same or lower price or work. My experience has been that in many cases I did not give up in getting the most elegant solution to work. That often payed off in the long-run only, but with the additional good feeling, that I did it right.
Related posts: When to give up, Information Overflow, Principles over Rules.
2012-04-16
Increase efficiency with less planning
My wife is planning master. Planning can increase efficiency in two ways:
So, too much planning can decrease your efficiency in two ways:
- When you have a plan you make big and small jobs fit together having less gaps where you loose time.
- Having a plan gives you the possibility to get prepared (have everything you need - and everything you might need).
So, too much planning can decrease your efficiency in two ways:
- Environment and situation may change obsoleting your planning partly or completely (again and again while you adapt).
- You cannot foresee everything and plan it in the optimum way. Let me give a simple example: While it might be perfectly ok, planning to clean the bathroom at 9, it might be better first to just keep in mind that there is the bathroom to be cleaned. During the day you might just find yourself waiting for a longer download to finish and in this moment remember that there is the bathroom task and fill the waiting gap with cleaning.
- Delay planning where chances are currently high, that things change until due time of the task.
- Leave space for some tasks to accidently fit in at the moment. Keep a todo-list for the tasks that could fit into some typical gaps (wait for the computer to finish a download, backup, copy, installation task; wait for the washing machine to finish; waiting for a train/bus; waiting for your wife/friend to help you with a bigger task).
2012-04-05
6 triggers of bad actions
Actions or spoken words that cause suffering may be nailed down to one of those 6 triggers or reasons:
Related posts: There is suffering, The most important things to know, What remains.
- Absence of appropriate (better) knowledge - or simply ignorance
- Attachment
- Jealousy
- Pride
- Anger
- Miserliness
Related posts: There is suffering, The most important things to know, What remains.
Emotion and Sensation
The problem: Difficulty to distinguish emotion and sensation.
I often have the impression that people tend to have difficulties distinguishing emotions from sensations. In the German language these difficulties have lead for emotion and sensation there is just one word ("Gefühl") and this leads people to put both into the same pot.
The reason: No explanation
In the first place both rise from the unconsciousness. There is no logic that leads to the emotion or sensation as a result. Hence you have nothing to value them - to decide whether they are good or bad / healthy or unhealthy.
The solution: Step back - wait
Just wait. Whenever there arrives a wave of inner activity, first just watch it. Emotions tend to go away faster than sensations. Sensations can live in a calm environment - when your brain and body is in peace. Emotions tend to create more activity in general. Emotions tell you about effects that hit your spirit, they should be taken as information on what feels good and what causes suffering. But Emotions should not be the decision-maker.
Related post: What remains.
I often have the impression that people tend to have difficulties distinguishing emotions from sensations. In the German language these difficulties have lead for emotion and sensation there is just one word ("Gefühl") and this leads people to put both into the same pot.
The reason: No explanation
In the first place both rise from the unconsciousness. There is no logic that leads to the emotion or sensation as a result. Hence you have nothing to value them - to decide whether they are good or bad / healthy or unhealthy.
The solution: Step back - wait
Just wait. Whenever there arrives a wave of inner activity, first just watch it. Emotions tend to go away faster than sensations. Sensations can live in a calm environment - when your brain and body is in peace. Emotions tend to create more activity in general. Emotions tell you about effects that hit your spirit, they should be taken as information on what feels good and what causes suffering. But Emotions should not be the decision-maker.
Related post: What remains.
2012-02-07
External success factors
2011 was a very work intensive year for me. After changing job I had to learn new products, get into already running projects which I didn't plan and there was much to do.
Basically I was facing
When experiencing problems the first for me always is to look at my own deficits - at the factors regarding my own person and my (missing) knowledge - with the intention to kill all the possible reasons of failure that I can control.
But by giving all your best, don't forget about the the factors that are relevant for success but are outside of your influence:
Don't forget that you might have or be able to develop the power to influence the thing, to motivate the people and to improve the organization! But be realistic and get aware of what you cannot change in the near future. Sometimes changing place is the better choice. Just make sure that it is not just you fleeing!
Related posts: Will to change is not enough, Reduce the stress factors.
Basically I was facing
- new products I was not familiar with
- new customers I was not familiar with
- new co-workers I didn't know
- running projects where the initial heads already left
When experiencing problems the first for me always is to look at my own deficits - at the factors regarding my own person and my (missing) knowledge - with the intention to kill all the possible reasons of failure that I can control.
But by giving all your best, don't forget about the the factors that are relevant for success but are outside of your influence:
- The thing (the subject you are dealing with - can be a product or a service, be it in the car manufacturing area, insurance, computer software or whatever).
- The people (your co-workers, typical customers, your boss, partners etc) - some say "it's all about the people" - which is basically true, but the people currently be involved are not always the initial inventors or initiators of the product or service. People know might have different ideas and plans. So you do not face only the people and their ideas know but also what others created before (the thing).
- The organization (company structure, organizational habits and rules etc) - wheather companies are small or big, they develop best practice solutions for their daily organizational issues and new market challenges.
Don't forget that you might have or be able to develop the power to influence the thing, to motivate the people and to improve the organization! But be realistic and get aware of what you cannot change in the near future. Sometimes changing place is the better choice. Just make sure that it is not just you fleeing!
Related posts: Will to change is not enough, Reduce the stress factors.
2011-11-29
Work intelligently
Today I read this phrase in a marketing sheet:
I phrased it earlier (in the The productivity trap) this way:
Or again in other words:
An old phrase also says: "Switch on your brain before you do something."
In the last weeks I have seen pretty good examples where people worked hard on solutions where the goal could have been achieved better and easier by thinking simpler and different.
Another phrase says: "It's lonely in the saddle since the horse died."
Related posts: The productivity trap, Dynamic activity, Get focused with 3 questions, Responsibility and decision.
"Many people work hard...
...the successful ones are the ones who work intelligently."
I phrased it earlier (in the The productivity trap) this way:
"WHAT to do and HOW to do is more important than the amount of things you achieve."
Or again in other words:
"It is not enough to work hard, it is important to work on the right thing in a good way."
An old phrase also says: "Switch on your brain before you do something."
In the last weeks I have seen pretty good examples where people worked hard on solutions where the goal could have been achieved better and easier by thinking simpler and different.
Another phrase says: "It's lonely in the saddle since the horse died."
Related posts: The productivity trap, Dynamic activity, Get focused with 3 questions, Responsibility and decision.
2011-11-08
Living on others costs
Whenever I stand in front of my brother's grave I get reminded about the fact that I would have never met my wife if he would still be around.
I don't know if I would have married anyway and whom. And if I would have had the two wonderful children I do have now. Everything would be different I think.
What I also get reminded then in the next step is: Whenever people die, they make place for other life. And then I notice all the small things that are said and done harming others in one or the other way.
I think - in the same moment - of people getting exploited in their work and of people being psychological harmed for the sake or fun of somebody else.
We should remember that we do not have more permission to live than anybody else. I abominate people who just think of their own advantage, but dealing severely with myself, I can find myself also sometimes being egocentric.
There is overall equilibrium of life on this planet, just distribution of amount and quality varies from one corner of the world to another.
If I still would have my brother around, of course attention of my parents would be shared on us both. If he would have family probably we would see my parents less often to help us out looking after the children etc. - I must be thankful of the attention that I get and keep in mind, that whenever people are doing me a favor, they could have done for somebody else ... and maybe there would have been other people having a more serious and more urgent need for that attention...
I don't know if I would have married anyway and whom. And if I would have had the two wonderful children I do have now. Everything would be different I think.
What I also get reminded then in the next step is: Whenever people die, they make place for other life. And then I notice all the small things that are said and done harming others in one or the other way.
I think - in the same moment - of people getting exploited in their work and of people being psychological harmed for the sake or fun of somebody else.
We should remember that we do not have more permission to live than anybody else. I abominate people who just think of their own advantage, but dealing severely with myself, I can find myself also sometimes being egocentric.
There is overall equilibrium of life on this planet, just distribution of amount and quality varies from one corner of the world to another.
If I still would have my brother around, of course attention of my parents would be shared on us both. If he would have family probably we would see my parents less often to help us out looking after the children etc. - I must be thankful of the attention that I get and keep in mind, that whenever people are doing me a favor, they could have done for somebody else ... and maybe there would have been other people having a more serious and more urgent need for that attention...
2011-10-28
Prejudice vs economization
Today I got critics of being biased towards (or against) particular products.
I have to admit: Yes, I am biased!
In my job I get more than 200 news items each day (and I am pretty sure that this applies for many other jobs also as soon as you want to stay up-to-date).
Just an example: There are many notebook and pc vendors. Of course it applies for all vendors that there are series with problems from time to time. That does not mean that a particular vendor produces better products in general than another. If I decide to prefer one vendor over the other in general then of course I am biased.
But: I don't have the time to re-evaluate the market whenever somebody asks me, which computer to buy. When I bought the last notebook for myself I did a more detailed investigation and now I will go with the same recommendation. Maybe in one or two years I will re-evaluate the market. But it is not economical to do permanent re-evaluation. As economy, markets and vendors do not move that much in short time, decisions about vendors taken now will be most probably valid for the next few months. Product and service quality does not change from one day to the other.
The usual (and not the worst) reaction is: If you have bad experiences with a product you will change as fast as possible. On the other hand if you have good experiences with a product/vendor, you will keep and recommend it for the next few years probably. That is nothing other than "economical risk minimizing".
Related posts: People and information, Information overflow, Responsibility and decision.
I have to admit: Yes, I am biased!
In my job I get more than 200 news items each day (and I am pretty sure that this applies for many other jobs also as soon as you want to stay up-to-date).
I have to take decisions!
Just an example: There are many notebook and pc vendors. Of course it applies for all vendors that there are series with problems from time to time. That does not mean that a particular vendor produces better products in general than another. If I decide to prefer one vendor over the other in general then of course I am biased.
But: I don't have the time to re-evaluate the market whenever somebody asks me, which computer to buy. When I bought the last notebook for myself I did a more detailed investigation and now I will go with the same recommendation. Maybe in one or two years I will re-evaluate the market. But it is not economical to do permanent re-evaluation. As economy, markets and vendors do not move that much in short time, decisions about vendors taken now will be most probably valid for the next few months. Product and service quality does not change from one day to the other.
The usual (and not the worst) reaction is: If you have bad experiences with a product you will change as fast as possible. On the other hand if you have good experiences with a product/vendor, you will keep and recommend it for the next few years probably. That is nothing other than "economical risk minimizing".
It is ok to be biased! It is ok to ignore other vendors/products as soon as you have taken the relevant decisions and if things go well.
The point is to know about your bias and to re-evaluate from time to time as in the long run things around you and your requirements may change! You should not keep your decisions automatically forever!
Related posts: People and information, Information overflow, Responsibility and decision.
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