Lately there is a lot of family stress. We have rented a grandma for almost a year but then a family member had serious health problems and she left us because it became too much for her. Within one or two weeks we were able to establish a relation with a new grandma (there is a "rent-a-grandma" service in our city). However after 3 weeks she got serious problems with health. - So again the need to search a new babysitter and get organized with additional stress as my wife started working again in september.
The problem: What I observed in the last days: I can try whatever to get everybody calm (wife, children), they are better in attaching the stress to me than I am in infecting with calm and mental balance.
What I don't get done even with hard work, can often be solved by 2 glass of wine ;-)
The Reason: It's easier to destroy, than to build; It is easier to distract than to focus and so on. Getting into a lasting balance is a product of hard exercise, experience and awareness.
The solution: Being in meditation condition (fully aware of the situations) cause fun and serenity - simply don't give up. But also develop empathy - understand the problems of others but don't make them your own problems!.
Related posts: Needs and meaning, Optimist meets pessimist, The power of intention, How to be happy.
2011-09-27
The private thing
Working in IT business I do get involved into discussions about online privacy quite often.
At first I had the opinion that nobody needs to publish private information and hence I could not really see a privacy problem. The rule is simple: Just don't post stuff on the web which you consider to be private.
After my last discussion about this topic I have to revise my opinion a little: There is information about you that you cannot fully control. In former times people were talking about you on the street and spreading the word that way. Nowadays they do it on Facebook. Apart from a probably larger audience, there is no difference. In many cases you cannot control defamation - or even you don't notice. But that is the more problematic part! Whatever you do, people add their own interpretations and speculations. You "share" information most of the time!
Basically your life is not private. It's just a few moments that are really private - where no information is shared. I was about to think about sitting on the toilet - but with two small children even this is an exception. ;-)
With or without your actions, you publish at least a part of yourself (including non-verbal communication). Other people add their interpretations and speculations and maybe tell those to others. In most cases you cannot really do anything about it and simply have to accept.
At first I had the opinion that nobody needs to publish private information and hence I could not really see a privacy problem. The rule is simple: Just don't post stuff on the web which you consider to be private.
After my last discussion about this topic I have to revise my opinion a little: There is information about you that you cannot fully control. In former times people were talking about you on the street and spreading the word that way. Nowadays they do it on Facebook. Apart from a probably larger audience, there is no difference. In many cases you cannot control defamation - or even you don't notice. But that is the more problematic part! Whatever you do, people add their own interpretations and speculations. You "share" information most of the time!
Basically your life is not private. It's just a few moments that are really private - where no information is shared. I was about to think about sitting on the toilet - but with two small children even this is an exception. ;-)
With or without your actions, you publish at least a part of yourself (including non-verbal communication). Other people add their interpretations and speculations and maybe tell those to others. In most cases you cannot really do anything about it and simply have to accept.
2011-09-12
Be thankful in the small
Today I had a lot of troubles due technical problems, but also due to strange concepts of people and strange implementations.
I was angry because I was not able to get my top priority work done for today and even arrived home late - my wife was angry too...
I was angry about all the people causing trouble...
Then my wife told me that today many people have helped her and without asking people have taken over and finished work for her. Wow! Can't say, that I had a lot of these experiences. In most cases I feel quite alone with my problem. That said, I began to re-think my day. Isn't it possible that I got some little help which I didn't either notice?
And yes, I found at least 4 cases of little or even medium sized help today. Not in all cases I said "Thank you".
And we really need every little helping hand!
And for those who did not really help you - thank good, that they didn't sabotage you! And for those who did sabotage you, thank them, that they didn't do either worse and kept a little rest of good-will!
I was angry because I was not able to get my top priority work done for today and even arrived home late - my wife was angry too...
I was angry about all the people causing trouble...
Then my wife told me that today many people have helped her and without asking people have taken over and finished work for her. Wow! Can't say, that I had a lot of these experiences. In most cases I feel quite alone with my problem. That said, I began to re-think my day. Isn't it possible that I got some little help which I didn't either notice?
And yes, I found at least 4 cases of little or even medium sized help today. Not in all cases I said "Thank you".
And we really need every little helping hand!
And for those who did not really help you - thank good, that they didn't sabotage you! And for those who did sabotage you, thank them, that they didn't do either worse and kept a little rest of good-will!
2011-09-06
Minimum relaxing time
I am currently sitting in a Hotel room after a long working day.
I should go to sleep as I do need it. However, after a long working day, I cannot go immediately to sleep because I simply feel frustrated if I had a whole day of work and nothing else.
You should also remember: Keep at least 30 minutes every day of relaxing activity (or non-activity) at least before you go to sleep.
A few minutes just enjoying life...
I should go to sleep as I do need it. However, after a long working day, I cannot go immediately to sleep because I simply feel frustrated if I had a whole day of work and nothing else.
You should also remember: Keep at least 30 minutes every day of relaxing activity (or non-activity) at least before you go to sleep.
A few minutes just enjoying life...
2011-09-02
Be united
Lately I observed a larger group of children on a water playground.
Children were pumping water which flew down in a small river to a dam and later to a mill-wheel or the water could take a different way to another pump. To make the mill-wheel move, it was necessary to impound a certain amount of water.
The goal was set (by the children themselves) to make the mill-wheel move by the water. Basically there were 4 points of action:
Some wanted the dam to be closed and others wanted to see the water flowing, some wanted to play with the other pump and started to quarrel about how to put the switch. Although one had the great idea to put the switch in the middle so that half of the water went to both sides, there was always somebody who moved the switch trying to get all the water.
Does this remind you to something?
In large companies and larger projects you can observe the same as what I described above.
Children were pumping water which flew down in a small river to a dam and later to a mill-wheel or the water could take a different way to another pump. To make the mill-wheel move, it was necessary to impound a certain amount of water.
The goal was set (by the children themselves) to make the mill-wheel move by the water. Basically there were 4 points of action:
- Pump water
- Set a switch point to go to other pump or versus the mill-wheel
- dam (open or close)
- Mill-wheel
Major reasons:
- Uncoordinated action.
- Several group members following different directives / having different goals.
- Egoism and greed.
- Missing patience.
Some wanted the dam to be closed and others wanted to see the water flowing, some wanted to play with the other pump and started to quarrel about how to put the switch. Although one had the great idea to put the switch in the middle so that half of the water went to both sides, there was always somebody who moved the switch trying to get all the water.
Does this remind you to something?
When they are adults, their brains are developed enough to handle more complex situations but the basic behaviour will not change.
In large companies and larger projects you can observe the same as what I described above.
How to get over this:
- Have clear responsibilities. The less people working on the same thing the better.
- Split into smaller groups/teams where continuous alignment of directives and goals is possible.
- The character and philosophy of the people working together, is important because their personal goals derive from that. So discuss strategies to get a team where everybody is convinced about the decisions.
- In the long-run you should satisfy the need of all parties/customers/partners, so they can trust you to solve their issues. That is the challenge of a team leader...
- Withdraw stress wherever possible. The stressed person will concentrate on self and develop egoistic inner directives.
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