2011-05-30

Invest a minute to review an advice

Yesterday we were at a playground for children when I saw a father putting his little girl to empty her bowels right there on the playground. And even a second time a few minutes later. I walked there asking kindly to do this in the WC in the restaurant 100 meters away or at least behind one of the plenty trees right next to the playground. Guess what: I got badmouthed. - ...well, I could have guessed such behaviour to fit to piggy person like this.

This was somehow the peak of a general sad "hype" that I notice more often lately: People are doing wrong, get advised or others try to help but those people are heavily resistant to insight and refuse any chance to improve (a situation or themselves as a whole).

Is it so hard to even just review an advice kindly given? - In most cases I experience, people are building up walls and raise their weapons for self defence in an instant without even thinking 30 seconds, if the other person's thought could be worth appliance/implementation.

In communication science they tell you that in written form a lot of elements get lost and it is always better to communicate face-to-face. I say, face-to-face is not always the best way because when people are alone, hidden behind their laptops or in their beds, they are more likely to spend a minute on self reflection or review their thoughts of the day.

When you get critics, think of the chance to improve! Others who have given up on you, won't bother to correct you, they just stopped to cope with you. Those who criticize you, are still interested in you and want to socialize with you!

10 comments:

Ultima_Thule said...

I believe that there are two kinds criticism.Słuszna and misplaced. It is important to distinguish first from second. If she is correct, we can draw conclusions. I know from experience that it is very important in how care is taken.

Perhaps it is just that the Internet is easier to pretend to be someone who is not, just that it does not work. Take a moment each day for self-reflection. And not in front of his laptop. But go for a walk, look at the blue sky and amazing nature of clouds.
The first time I found your blog. I'm sorry for my English, still learning.

Martin Wildam said...

Thanks for bringing the different kinds of criticism onto the table. In general you are right, However, I think, that even misplaced criticism comes out of some association where might be a molecule of truth.

And yes, the self-reflection in the silence is worth a lot! - This is what ZEN (and of course other) monks do when they sit for meditation.

Ultima_Thule said...

Of course, as in every fairy tale may be a particle of truth. Anyone who lives in harmony with each other (and also has the motivation to grow) is not afraid of criticism. I am reminded on this occasion the words of Lincoln: "If I tried to read all the criticism directed against me - I might as well close his office and take up something else. I do what I think best, the best I can. I'm going to do so to the end. And if at the end it turns out I was right, everything you said about me, it will cease to count. And when the end will show that I was wrong, will not change this as much as 10 angels who will swear that I was right. "
As for meditation, it can be used every day. Can you read "The Miracle of Mindfulness"? Or at least think about where you are going and how to best use the time for us.

Bellaisa said...

I believe in face to face awareness as well. The reason the reaction is so brutal is because you are attacking their ego (according to them) and their pride, but when it comes down to it - and they have some time to reflect on what you have said - chances are they will take what you said to heart and correct their ways.

Ultima_Thule said...

How we can talk openly, then we can also assume in this way, pass critical remarks. The error does not always lie on one side ... Often one and the other party doing something wrong. And the Internet is only a tool, if someone creates for someone who is not to say that it has a problem with them. What is sad, because his company has to survive all his life. Amen.

Martin Wildam said...

Thule, From the sentence "If someone creates..." I can't follow you anymore.

Martin Wildam said...

Bellaisa, I had times when gave criticism only in a very graceful way and with the focus on the thing rather than on a person's behavior in general or the philosophy they live.

My experience was basically, that either people didn't even notice or they felt offended anyway. So I usually prefer to it straight as I see it.

ocean freight said...

I think you should be considerate with his intentions too. An emergency will surely put things in different angles and create pressures. There are many factors actually and just trying to have inner peace after you were rejected is your own benefit. After all, it wasn't your fault and it can be his loss.

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EMMANUEL FORDJOUR KUMAH said...

criticism is futile, it only put people on the defensive. Be sharp to listen but slow to speak and learn some common sense from those who criticize it helps.Love your blog hope you would love mine too